Poon

Yep

2011-01-05T02:18:00.002-06:00

It's amazingly how adults are reduced constantly by different things in society. When do we grow old of childish games and rituals which retard our development? Yes, there are practices which distract from the root of every situation.

In corporations, it is commonplace to bring people together with group activities. These activities are usually to train. The training is typically improve performance. Performance obviously translates to someone's bottom line: profit. There's no surprise that one of the easiest ways to do so are with modified children's games.

Fuck that shit. End.

World of Warcraft Cataclysm

2010-12-08T03:05:00.003-06:00

I've been having fun revisiting Vanilla WoW and leveling up again. Cataclysm has semi-captured the feeling I got when I first leveled up on a brand new server when WoW first came out.

There's a lot of bugs right now (as to be expected), specifically with certain quests and where one has to stand to initiate a scripted quest with events that are sensitive to your positioning. Also, it's getting really confusing not being able to judge distance in the underwater environments. There should be some better way to display depth and distance underwater in WoW, but I don't think they've quite gotten to the best solution yet.

Don't get me wrong, I love the underwater area in Cataclysm. It's not perfect, but it is extremely well done on a grand scale. It got my excited like the first time I swam in Super Mario 64. It's gaming experience you just can't find elsewhere.

Just a personal opinion type of thing to add in: I hate the fact that Thrall is single handedly controlling the Maelstrom between Deepholm and Azeroth. I'm sorry, Thrall is not that badass. That's pretty much god like right there. The whole world pillar breaking when Deathwing escaped is a bit hard to swallow as well. It's all doped up, but it's kind of a poor excuse and or bad story telling. It just doesn't fit well into the storyline from my perspective.

The expansion is making me realize how badly I want to update the GPU / CPU in my PC as well. I'm running a Phenom 9850 BE at 2.5 GHZ right now with a Sapphire Toxic Radeon HD 4870. It's sufficient to play the game, just not like I want it.

So the question is, do I splurge for a next gen. card or get another 4870 and cross fire? I have an AM2+ mobo. so I think it's best if I go for the flagship Phenom II 3.4 BE 125w with 6 MB of L3 Cache. What's killing me on the old Phenom is the lack of L2 cache. It's only 2 MB if I remember correctly, which is paltry. It's bottlenecking my entire system at this point I think.

I want the aforementioned items, another large HDD for redundancy, and a 64 - 120 GB SSD for my new boot drive. That would be nice <3.

Anywho, nerd post is done for the night. Back to sleep.

Halloween

2010-10-29T13:48:00.003-05:00

I don't feel in the Halloween spirit this year. Maybe this is due to the fact that I'm still not able to be merry with my fellow party goers. Why oh why was I born a month late???

Here's to the other people that were born at the tail end of 1989. Drinks are on everyone else when November and December rolls around right right?

And:

Yeah. These shoes are amazing. Not amazingly priced. One day I'll have them though <3

Price Tags

2010-10-17T22:24:00.002-05:00

I heard that there was this deal on this thing at this place at a price that might be reasonable after the advertisments failed to work and the hype died down. You might be interested in this thing because you're that person that refuses to buy said thing for this much money, but willing to negotiate at this amount. Do we have a deal?

Either that, or there's this bundle deal with that thing. We lowered the price for this special, this sale, this holiday season. Oh it's your birthday? We can offer this accessory that's free after this rebate that you mail in. Just remember you need to mail in this bar code and not that bar code. Wait fifteen days after purchasing and mail with the original receipt and not a copy.

Plus, this thing is a refurbished product taken from one of our repair depots certified to make bad products anew. It has a warranty that covers this and that for this amount of time. We recommend this extended warranty to cover your "what ifs" and to answer the "how comes?"

Have I answered all your questions? Because this thing won't last long. There was this report by people like you that said this thing worked for them. This many people liked it and this many people didn't like it, but obviously you like it. It goes along with that stuff you mentioned about your life and you tell your friends and family about it.

Don't hesitate to use your thing for this and that. And definitely don't ask us about the extended warranty which we recommend for that stuff we mentioned. I certainly don't know where to ship it to or how the thing is repaired. But the packet for the thing definitely has more details.

Just know that I'm happy to help you choose this thing that your friend saw first and then told you about. Supplies are limited, so be sure to gloat about your new thing to other people. Give them this number and tell them to check before buying your thing.

It's your thing now. Go use it how you will. Aren't you excited? I'm excited. And I mean that genuinely sir / madame. This thing is perfect and you're wonderful. Please, do not hesitate to return on a later date.

No title seemed to fit.

2010-10-11T00:46:00.002-05:00

I thought a lot today.

I read an entire book and compared the book to what I experience every day.

Man, it did not feel good. Typically I equate deep thought and meditation to some sort of positive feeling. That was not the case today.

What the hell is wrong with this society and why the hell to people become more and more ignorant every day? It's like no one gives a shit anymore.

"Despite all my rage I'm just a rat in a cage." It never felt more true than at this moment on Sunday, October 10th at approximately 22:49 PST.

I believe that the world is in a bad place and it feels like there's nothing I can do to change it. But to every action there's a reaction right? So here's for a lifetime of small actions summing up to an extremely monolithic reaction. I'm willing to risk a lifetime of actions for it.

Sleep tight people.

Wonderment

2010-10-10T18:22:00.002-05:00

I was wondering what was enough.

You know? People always say, "That's enough." Maybe they'd think, "This is enough because I'm full. I can't handle one more piece of shrimp. Plus I hate shrimp, I'm just eating it to appease this girl to make her believe that I'm sophisticated and I eat a variety of shit." For most people, it's easy to know when there's enough food. Or if there's enough water. There's a minimum amount needed to survive.

There are examples of when there's too much: People that are morbidly obese. America is a nation of over eating. You can eat yourself to death here (which certainly shows in our most common causes of death).

On the flip side, there's a ton of examples of when there's not enough: People that are emaciated. Thinking about the latter statement reminds me of those really sad World Help Organization clips of the children from Africa just sadly staring into the lenses that cost more than it would take to feed them and their families for several months at least.

...

So still, my question is: At what point is there enough?

And you're probably wondering what I mean by that at this point. But still I need to give a little more explanation. We live in a relatively delicate ecosystem on a macro scale. One action can largely affect something else on the other side of the world. I won't go into specifics. The energy that keeps things moving and changing is largely sunlight. It constantly injects energy into our ecosystem. Sunlight keeps us warm. Sunlight makes sure our crops grow and then get changed into the filth we call food.

Think about that ecosystem again though. How and why do we divide resources up? There's a finite amount of "stuff" on the earth that we assign value to. It (the "stuff) hasn't all been discovered or researched enough to know its true worth. However, the "stuff" that we have is doled out every day. So if we have a finite amount of "stuff" that keeps growing every day, who's to say where it gets spread and who gets first dibs?

So we arrive at the question that I've asked a couple times now. "How much 'stuff' do we need?" And going further, "How ('stuff') much goes to which people and why?" It should be a simple thought but it's really not. People are not equal as seen by the food consumption comparison. The camera man of the famished African children certainly had a decent breakfast in order to focus the camera and hold it. Our American target audience has to shed at least one tear before picking up the phone to dial the toll-free number (and how can they do that if the child isn't in focus?). The different levels of the economy we live in certainly aren't equal. So, the decisions made to dole out our "stuff" aren't equal.

I'm being purposefully vague with what this "stuff" is. At this point in my short assortment of thoughts, one may have assigned a word or a term to "stuff." I won't mention any specifics to further my thought experiment.

And I want to end this brief document by stating what I know about why I have typed. I know people have come to the same questions. I know that people don't have an answer to the burning questions that I've proposed. And, I know that people have given up on the answer to their questions just as easily as I have. But, I know that these words will be preserved digitally for an eternity (or at least I hope they will).

Even though I know the things that I have previously mentioned, I don't really know a lot. With that said I just want whatever readers that happen upon this document to wonder.

What is "enough?" And how did you come to that conclusion yourself?

Man the weather is beautiful. Enjoy it while we can I suppose.

Lament about college.

2010-09-09T16:19:00.002-05:00

I never knew the value of education until I couldn't be a part of it.

Education is seriously fucked up in this country.

2010-09-02T02:21:00.005-05:00

I wonder sometimes. Am I slain by my speech? Am I a slave to what I have to say?

It's not just at work, school and in social situations.

There's a predisposition to some forms of communication. Wether that reason be social or personal those words are being expressed...

Or maybe I am looking for a response. And through trial and error I fish for certain responses with certain words of action.

Assumedly this means that my brain is subconsciously weeding out certain word patterns and conversation queues. A Darwinian method of filing vocabulary to the back of my brain. It's there but not present. A wall flower on the dance floor even though that word or phrase might be rational or more appropriate for the situation.

If I think about it like that, the relatively drastic changes in English don't seem so strange.

Either way it's an interesting thought experiment. And it's interesting to see how different regions and trials shape the way people choose their words. And the internet either catapults this development or diverts it by becoming a part of the massive data diaspora.

I feel like I'm drowning in words that I don't need. And expressing them here doesn't do myself any justice, so don't look for any specific examples.

Maybe all I need is a change of font, a change of scenery.

Yeah, distract one sense with another. Or enhance the evolution with regression of something that's evolving. Is that improvement? Or stagnation?

Time to be a bit more collective. Sleep will probably take care of that. Garbage collecting is such a tedious task.

My message to Expedia customer feedback.

2010-08-31T00:42:00.003-05:00

I would never ever use Expedia again. The first and last hotel booking I made was a terrible experience. I contacted customer care over the phone initially and the problem was never resolved.

I wouldn't recommend Expedia to anyone. Your out sourced customer care is terrible. And your hotel booking was inaccurate and more expensive than if I had booked it myself.

I just had the unfortunate displeasure of remembering my terrible experience with Expedia because of the last automated e-mail. If I had to rate the way I was treated on the phone, I'd give you guys a 1/10.

I guess the guy on the phone could speak English. Congratulations on that major accomplishment.

Hope you guys like watching William Shatner Pricline commercials. Because Priceline probably does better from just getting Trekkie bookings for conventions.

Thanks for putting me in the situation where I have to share a small bed with my 350 lbs. friend who smelled from sitting in a car all day.

-Julian Poon

Moments I think back

2010-06-04T01:44:00.003-05:00

Moments I think back, I'm thinking of you.
The time we spent and the words we shared.
It's all a blur even though no thoughts were spared.

I'll have a drink that I can't buy.
Smoke a pipe that makes me lie.
Maybe I'll sleep a tick then go to work.

But baby, that's the time I should spend with you.
I'm thinking about those times we spent together.
Maybe those times should have lasted forever.

Or maybe I'm just crazy.

Either way, maybe I'm lazy maybe I'm absolutely crazy!
It all depends on what I'm thinking that day.
Every day is a painful memory.

Refrain:

Moments I think back, I'm thinking of you.
The time we spent and the words we shared.
It's all a blur even though no thoughts were spared.

----Guess this really isn't a finished thing. I just felt like writing some sort of lame song to fit my mood. Cheers-----------------------------

There's so much time left.

2010-06-01T16:47:00.003-05:00

There's a lot of time that's for sure.
Ticking away and measured in interesting ways.
We count with crystals, atoms and winding mechanisms.
Sometimes it's calculated digitally.

Time has a way of smoothing things over.
The hurt of yesterday becomes a flourishing garden.
One day I'll enter the hidden gate through the wall.
Inside there will be time to reminisce.
The remembrance of yesterday's problems.

I will continue to take chances and be glad that I did.
Taking a stroll in the middle of the night.
Replying to an internet advertisement with complete honesty.
So maybe we'll meet again someday.
All the problems washed away.
In the end, I'll be the one that has changed the most.

Time to get going.

My Typical Week

2010-05-20T17:57:00.007-05:00

Let's talk about what goes on in a completely normal week.

(Mornings in general) Labeled as a "Routine A."

I get up between eight through nine. Usually it takes several instances of "snooze" on my Blackberry in order to convince me to get up. After I get enough adrenaline going, I slump into the bathroom to take a shower. Typically I take a five minutes. After that I take my asthma and allergy medication, brush my teeth, put my contacts on and then put some lotion on (eczema sucks).

I spend about five minutes getting dressed after that and then another ten minutes browsing the web. Breakfast is next: I eat two eggs and a piece of toast and some fruit. Other days I won't eat anything at all. There's just some days that I'm really not hungry the in morning. Coffee usually isn't something I do either. I just beast through being drowsy. (^^^)

After breakfast, I'll either go back into my room and browse the internet yet again or make something for lunch. It's always a sandwich on sourdough bread with whatever meat and cheese that was purchased. Other times I'll just go get something small to go from one of the many small business restaraunts around my work. Fast food is unhealthy and has really lost its charm. Plus, I'm trying to eat more protein as of late to build muscle. Working 11-8 makes me feel extremely lazy though. Because it's either go home for two hours and sleep and then get up to work out or go to bed late after eating and then work out. Either way it's not very optimal.

Usually I work eleven to eight, which is a typical closing shift at my current place of employment.... In this case, I'll leave the house at 10:40 and get to work promptly on time a 10:50 - 10:55 depending on traffic. (Sounds pretty boring and legit so far right?) There are times where my assistant manager / dude that's worked here for two years are late because they're fuck ups. That's always really lame because I'm late as a result. Fuckin' bitches.

Then when I get to work, I jump in a fucking helicopter and ride off to Baja California to fight off Mexican drug lords and other terrorists threatening the country. Got your attention again? Good.

SO really, I clock in a couple of minutes before 11:00. I work at an indirect Sprint dealer, or a "Premium Retailer" as the company that owns my store likes to say. What "indirect" means is that the people that work for indirect cell phone stores have to jump through more hoops to get tasks that corporately owned shops are able to accomplish in two seconds. Most of the time we end up sending our tons of repair and lost / stolen / liquid damage customers to a corporate store that has a repair technician on staff. I get paid eight dollars and hour plus comission. The comission is paid out approximately sixty days after I make the initial sale. So I have staggered paycheck. Pretty fucking gay. Most other places pay out with your regular paycheck. I suppose the smaller stores have to wait until the customer are actually locked into their two year contract AND THEN SOME. It was the only job I could swing as of late, so whatever. At least I'm not working at a god forsaken restaraunt or fast food joint. Or much worse, a big box retailer with a bunch of shit to stock.

That's a typical day in my week. Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, Saturday all contain "Routine A." I have Tuesday and Fridays off. And unfortunately most meetings at the corporate office fall on Friday morning. So really, I had one real day off. The other day is plagued by me having to get up earlier. I get paid for the meetings, but it's super fucking annoying.

The only other exception is Sunday, in which I work from 11-6. Even though I have the extra two hours~ usually I waste them on the computer doing absolutely nothing. Woot.

Yeah so there you go. Typical day to day routine. Unless I'm sick or something. So there is no "Routine B." I know someone might have been expecting one. However, it simply doesn't exist.

2010-05-17T13:55:00.002-05:00

I've been MIA from this blog for a while. I haven't had the will nor the energy to write about anything interesting... but it seems that things are changing slowly. So I'm gaining the will and interest to write about little things here and there. Plus this is probably one of the only channels to escape utter boredom at work without getting an annoying call from upper-management. It looks like I'm typing something which I don't need to type and that I'm at a computer console being productive. Good thing the resolution on the security cameras suck... that and the IT guy really doesn't check what we're doing on company internet.

Anywho, I'm working for another cell-phone dealer. It's really really slow. Sometimes it's hours before a customer comes in, wether it be a bill payment or an actual activation. Apparently companies make quite a good chunk of change off of renewing cell-phone contracts. So much so, that companies like Radio-Shack which switched their focus to cell-phone sales have turned their profits margins into something positive. I'm the guy on the bottom line for an indirect dealer. Come see me about signing your life away for two years!

So, the complaining about the job really doesn't help in the end. It's just something to do with my unutilized brain waves... I make like eight dollars an hour plus commission. However, the commission is delayed SIXTY days. So it's like working a minimum wage job with a little bonus after sixty days. That's a long time to wait for your hard earned money. It's made off of upgrades, new activations, adding on data plans and selling accessories. And my god, do I push for the accessories. Because the total sales gross profit made off of the accessories is a number one is hounded on like it's the end of the fucking world. And it is in a sense for the accessories manager who's getting paid significantly more than I am to purchase this junk in bulk and then forced to convince us salesmen to pass it off as something absolutely required and needed by customers.

Yeah, I'm totally jaded by this whole sales process. I'm not even scratching the surface of how lame and detailed people have thought about this stuff. But in the end customers are so hit and miss the shit that we were trained with doesn't apply. It all boils down to the fickle nature of the consumer. This preconceived list of awesome or targeted features doesn't mean dick to the mom that wants a red flip phone. If I don't have that phone, it's like I mine as well not even try after I find out that's what she wants.

That brings me to another thing: having phones in stock. More often than not, I try and sell a phone we don't have in physical stock. Sucks. Because I just made that person FEEL LIKE THEY NEED THIS PHONE. But they can't have it right now cause the company isn't affluent enough to have a constant supply of said 629 dollar phone. Double edged sword there. Either risk not selling a hundred 629 dollar phones, or risk not having enough 629 dollar phones. You're losing money both ways and there's no clear medium for maximizing profit. The inventory manager that orders phones probably just guesses.

The upper management solution for that is ordering phones. But in this society of instant gratification, who the fuck wants to wait for a phone to be shipped? I have the money for it and I want it NOW. People just arent't willing to wait. They're already paying a premium for coming into my store so I set up everything for them. So they sure as hell aren't going to pay to wait for their cheap shitty phone. The point is, there's six other stores within driving distance that more than likely have the phone as well and probably at a cheaper price with less customer service.

OH! Let's talk about the arcane nature of mail-in rebates. As I mentioned before, America is an instant gratification society. We want shit now, and we want it fast. Screw the impact on the environment and shipping costs, not my problem when I have a wad of cash burning a hole through my pocket begging to be wasted. Who the hell uses the postal service to send money nowadays? The companies that have it right on this mail in rebate business are Best Buy and RadioShack. They cut their bottom line to such a minimum that they just instantly give you the rebates on the phones. Not third party dealers and corporate stores though. They MAKE you send the rebate in. Know how long it takes to get your 50 or 100 dollar rebate? 10 to 14 weeks. And you better have sent that fucker in filled out exactly right with the right forms, or they're not giving you shit.

I think mail-in rebates are just an elaborate scheme to target lazy people. Because if I don't fill out the form for the customer, I think probably 60% of the customers don't fill out and send the damn thing. Seriously though, whoever thought of that shit was a genius. "Want a way to be able to list things for a hundred dollars less without getting sued for false advertisement and have the customer still pay the difference? Just advertise the product as free AFTER 100$ mail in rebate. Just pay 100 dollars plus tax today! But advertise that shit as FREE!"

Thank you random mail-in rebate guy, for screwing people. There's a special circle of hell for you. "Circle of hell for people that have a way of indirectly lying to people..." I also have to cheesily say, "And this phone is FREE! *After 100 dollar mail in rebate cough cough*" Hope you like constant flaming death and the company of other false advertisement assholes.

-Whew- That felt good. But not really, because I'm going to have to say 99 dollars after mail-in rebate at least three times today.

Also, what to buy for lunch? What do I get to waste an hour of pay on today? The cost of living is complete dicks dudes. This post is dedicated to my new pal, Tay. And also to the letter "I," which stands for the internet. You are an entity that is sorely needed by the lower class white collar workers of America. I so can't wait to ride on debt through my remaining years of college to escape this diasporah of dead end jobs and mentally challenged customer service.

So try and digest some of that shit. Clouding your mind like that huge BP oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. Snap! current cultural reference....

Good day gents.

你好嗎

2010-02-27T16:22:00.002-06:00

Hey family, how are you? That's what the title says in Cantonese (minus "family"). I've been wondering, since I don't really hear from you often. I've spent the entirety of my life with your existence wrapped in stories that I contrived in my mind as a child. I never knew you and I suppose you never knew me.

There's really no one to blame for that previous fact, as we all grow apart a little bit. Sometimes we all grow apart more than we would like to without noticing it. After a certain point, one would probably being to notice. Because there's no substitute for family. You don't have to be related by blood. The connection lies within that word which no one understands, love. All that I do know, is that I know when I feel loved and I know when I don't feel loved.

As far as I'm concerned, I personally feel the love. I'm relatively low maintenance in that regard. People are different (believe it or not) and some require a bit more affection or maintenance than others do. A few moments ago, my grandmother was sobbing because her children haven't really taken the time to talk to her at all aside from the few holidays that we share together. My eldest cousin took her (my grandmother) grocery shopping, and supposedly my grandmother took her cellphone just by the off chance that one of her daughters might call her.

Granted:

I don't know the back story to everyone. I don't know how my grandmother treated my aunts and uncle as children. I don't know if she was loving, caring, nurturing or any other trait one might describe a mother. If I was asked to name one regret in life, that would be that I can't speak Chinese fluently. I would talk to my grandmother every day if I had the ability. Even if it was just to remark about the weather, or tell a story about how work absolutely sucked the previous day. I also don't know how busy everyone is. And I know that people highly value their immediate family time and their careers.

What I do know, is that I cannot speak to my mother. She's not the same person anymore. Every time I let her back into my life, she instills chaos and lies due to mental instability. Feeling any sort of genuine love out of that shell of a being is unfortunately impossible at this point. I can't really have any sort of relationship with her family either for whatever reason... It's all very empty on one half.

So please, let me be a bit selfish in this situation. I'm missing one half and I have a lot of love for the half that's still intact. I know there's been some unfortunate actions and things said regarding the recent holiday season. I just want everyone to get along. We live in the United States after all. We should be used to respecting people on both sides of life. From living in Orange County in a gated community to living in Southeast Memphis, literally on the edge of a modern ghetto. (Seemed like an appropriate contrast)

Whatever bothers you about your family, try to justify why they do certain things, or try to talk to them about it in the most neutral way as possible. There's obviously going to be certain situations where a line has been crossed and apology is needed. That situation can be avoided with just some basic compassion and understanding.

And also, please call grandma. She just wants someone to say "你好" to her every now and then. Even if it's just hi. You don't even have to say "嗎" to ask her how she's doing. Funny how one character, word or phrase can make all the difference in the world.

Just a tidbit

2010-02-10T19:56:00.003-06:00

I'm stuck in the grind, losing my mind.

I look behind and see the shattered memories.

As I remember, they're not the only thing I see.

Some of it was shit and the rest was happiness.

What the future held was work and loneliness.

So I sit in my room, not mine in the end.

I wonder about what I can do to change it.

Fake opportunities cloud me from the real ones.

And ultimately I fail and fade into depression.

Why couldn't I learn from other life lessons?

The paths in front of me are obscured by a cloud.

It seems that I can't hear because of the roar of the crowd.

Writing and thought only distract me from the end.

But maybe... Just maybe there's something better around the bend.

So I'll take my placebo and run down to the beach.

If I try really hard, nothing is out of reach.

But in truth, it's reality that really sucks.

And together, lonely and together, we are all truly fucked.

Fix

2009-12-16T21:45:00.002-06:00

Fixing you is like fixing a broken iPod.

Permit me to make this vapid comparison.

At first, the plastic opening tools won't pry the casing of your thoughts open.

After some prying words and actions, I get a glimpse of the problem.

While taking you apart, the headphone ribbon cable breaks.

We have a huge fight; the replacement is on back order.

The battery and will to talk has since run the memory cells down, finally making the plunge over the curve of effectiveness.

Dust and hair and everyday pettiness clog down the important issues.

I throw my frustration in the form of this scratched up plastic and metal memory holder into a plastic bag with your broken parts.

A year later, I stumble upon the now dusty memory in my tool box.

The memory has become forgotten, just like the parts from past projects.

I order a new cable, a new battery, and restore you slowly.

The new parts seem to cheer both of us up.

Then it comes in, the back ordered part.

The headphone jack assembly is the most important part, no music no memories can be heard with out its presence.

The screws come loose and the long amiss part fits snugly into the now antique memory device.

I charge the new battery, ready to restore the memory to the hard drive.

Finally, it powers on. It spins up. The songs exude happy memories.

But, they're only copies for the original feelings, now long gone.

No longer can I sync your music; no sharing now.

Sure, technology and memories fade as quickly as they come.

But people don't forget, until our memory fades like the projected usage hours for a hard drive.

If god created man and man made machine, then why didn't man make machine permanent?

Nothing lasts essentially.

Thus, even the most grand of our creations erode with time.

Thankfully the pain fades with the memory.

And like technology, it seems that the words will never cease to change.

But there's an end to everything.

We can't stop trying to fix things though.

Moving Time

2009-12-16T19:41:00.005-06:00

So it is now moving time. Moving is a big step in anyone's life. It's making me a bit uneasy, as well as ambivalent. There's a lot of "what ifs" "buts" and "maybes." It's all a huge combination for a queasy stomach and uneasiness about the entire situation. The biggest aspect about the move is that I was just starting to really make some good friends around Memphis. It's really sad that I'm going to have to start over in that regard.

Things I'll miss in no particular order:

I'm going to miss how funny it was when no one could think of anywhere to eat. There's not a lot of good places to eat in Memphis. Naturally people are indecisive. So it was always an adventure in choosing which terrible fast food place people wanted to waste money on.

I'm going to miss driving around aimlessly with friends. Matthew definitely knows what I mean about this. There have been so many times when Matthew and I have gotten lost in really rundown parts of town. It helped me learn the layout of Memphis and I still serves as a reminder that poverty is everywhere.

I'm going to miss the familiarity of the Mid-South. As much as I make myself believe that I hate this area, it will always be the place that I grew up. There's no way of denying that fact. Good thing my phone has GPS on it for the countless hours of driving I'm going to spend in Southern California. Fun fact of the day: Los Angeles is further South than Memphis is!

I'm going to miss the schools that I went to. Each of them had a significant impact on my character today, whether that be positive or negative. I'm going to remember where I first got wasted and was totally irresponsible about it. I'm going to remember the first muddy as hell music festival where I was crowd surfed against my will but ended up getting pointed out by the lead singer of WolfMother (Getting a bit disorganized here. But that's what I'm really using this for. Thought compilation)

I'm always going to remember the houses and streets that I grew up in and on. There was a lot of really messed up stuff. But there were good moments as well. I'm going to remember the first time that a girl asked me to kiss her because I was too shy. I'm going to remember randomly picking up dance dates at CBHS football games and then getting dumped or left for whatever reason.

CBHS. I will always remember how much utter crap this high-school put up with when I was going through tough times. I was a terrible student, role-model and a horrible leader in the positions that I held during junior / senior year. At the same time, I'll always remember the things I really disliked about CBHS (See weird professors and lack of class selection). I'm never going to forget their kindness though.

I will never forget my band professor. That was the only class where I truly expressed myself and was allowed to excel as far as I wanted to push myself. I'm a bit depressed that I'm only as talented as I was in high-school with my flute. (It's the manly instrument :P) Every time I pick it up if only to tune the thing and play some scales, I'll always remember the year we played self composed music in tribute to video game music. Mr. Bolton, I wish you well.

I will never forget how fucked up my family life was starting from eighth grade to now really. The most tragic thing is that things were always pretty fucked up and I didn't even realize it until it was pointed out to me. It's going to be a constant reminder to me as I grow up and possibly settle down with someone. Certain things about growing up still haunt my memory as well as my siblings and father. I try everyday to store those memories in the deepest recesses of my brain. The best therapy and medication for dealing with all that shit was ultimately my friends and people who I would also classify as family. No amount of anti-depressants or illegal substances can help shine up a tarnished past. I sympathize to anyone out there that has had problems at home that affect you in any way. Just try not to let that define you as a person. It's easier said than done, but just go out of your way to meet people. Having a good variety of friends is the best thing that could have ever happened to me.

I'm always going to remember the several occasions on which I was kicked out of the house. It's really hard to describe how I felt at that moment. There was a point in life where I thought things like that weren't possible. I was a lot younger mentally during those times. The worst thing about it is that I've never really felt like I've had a place to call "home" since the last time I was kicked out. Sure, my dad got out of prison in 2007 and we've been living together ever since. Even though the duplex on ClayPhil and now the Wilshire house are hospitable and a save haven, it still doesn't measure up to the original comfort of that first house I remember in Covington. 206 Groom Ave Covington, TN 38019. Thank you Turner family for making every summer stink with your cow fields and "sludge pond." I have no clue whether the Turner plant came first, or the housing. But I sure didn't appreciate that terrible stench when riding my bike through the neighborhood on a blustery day.

I will never forget how I used to idolize my father's family. Nothing about them was wrong in my mind as a child growing up. Death and negative things did not have the capacity to mar the mirror like sheen of the image of my father's relatives. It was a huge reality check when I realized that everyone has problems. And they're all subjectively worse than anyone else's problems.

I will never stop feeling bad about being a chronic liar when I was younger. It really carried over to high-school after Dad was indicted. I was so ashamed about him for the longest time. It was unwarranted I realize now. And I apologize to anyone I off put with my blatant lying. I know it had to have just off put someone along the ride. Hopefully I'm a lot less pretentious than I was when I was in 7th grade.....

There's bound to be more things that I'm leaving out for now. This post turned into a "feel bad for me" plea I realize. Whoever reads this in the future, please note that I didn't write any of it for sympathy. This is more of a personal exercise in sanity as well as reflection on my life.

But to wrap up things for today, I hope that everyone has a good break from work or school. If you work during the end of December, then I hope that work isn't too stressful.

Now time to spend as much time with people from Memphis as I can before January the second!

Christmas

2009-12-12T02:04:00.005-06:00

I know you can feel it coming. It's that holiday that almost no one can escape in America and the Western World. The music, the decorations and the "holiday cheer" permeate the minds of our society. It's like a lot of people magically become happy in the month of December. What is there to be happy about in the coldness and disparity of December?

Debt. Debt controls people. There are people that control debt too, often to the point that people stay in debt. Why is the American market so important? We as a people have been apt to get into debt compared to the rest of the world. We value the instantaneous value of a purchase rather than the long term commitment. Never mind that your job could be lost at any moment and your savings account is slim. Go ahead and purchase that car and finance it longer than the engine will hold up. I'm sure Santa and Jesus will team up to bail you out like all the other industries in America. Oh wait, our social and military programs bankrupt the system? That's too bad. Looks like people are going to be disappointed Christmas morning.

You're probably wondering who spit in my egg-nog right? Well for one, it's probably non-alcoholic. And for two, my egg-nog has been spit in on Christmas continually. Christmas is just another time for people to be ashamed by the fact that the world doesn't smile upon everyone's pocket books. By the fact that there are children which have a loving home that feeds them, but they feel cheated by the fact that there will be no new video games under the tree (or lack thereof). It's a time where I no longer get to spend time with my family because I work. Christmas is further from religion and "Christ" than prostitution is from being a nun. It's perverted our senses and expectations. Rather than leave milk and cookies for the fat man coming down your non-existent chimney, leave a 9mm with a bullet. The note will read:

"Dear Santa,

Your holiday and everything you stand for is a lie. Children are ultimately disappointed and let down by the false morals and monetary expectations from Christmas. Everyone has to be with their family on this one day more than any other day for some stupid reason. Please, all I want for Christmas is to be put out of my misery. Or just something that will make me forget the times where Mom and Dad didn't scream at each other; when it seemed that everything was going to be all right; when it seemed that family and love superseded consumerism and greed; where people fuck up every day and are forgiven. Because that's what love is.

Don't judge me because I'm pessimistic Santa. After all, it's pretty hard to believe that an obese white man in a red suit flys around with a bottomless bag with reindeer delivering presents to all the good kids. Get on a fucking diet Kringle.

Signed,

Julian Poon"

Untitled

2009-12-09T14:06:00.003-06:00

I was walking down this concrete sidewalk, relative new look and feel (describing the concrete that is). As I was walking, I felt unusually chilled when I sort of reformulated a memory that happened on the corner of the building I was walking towards. It was important because it signified a point at which I visualized where I was in my life. That moment felt like a turning point of some sort, possibly defining where I'm going now. I just now realized that I should probably write it down so I can preserve the moment.

It was a sense of intense elation, recalling that memory. How does one describe happiness really? That's an interesting topic to discuss. For some people, it may be when something has been added to your life: money, friendship, education, a significant other or whatever. For me it was a selfish thing. But who's to say one cannot be selfish every now and then? After all, that's what America is all about. Selfishness. But not really. That's just a speculation on the state of things in this country.

Anyways, getting back to the point. Every time I get bored, it's because I realize I hate what I need to get done at that moment in time. I was doing some Economics homework this morning (which was late). Before you think, "Quit being so lazy and stupid," consider that this class is absolutely worthless on so many levels. Trying to apply it to real life is like trying to apply religion to politics. There were too many conflicting theories and hypocritical aspects of the class to justify the entire idea of it.

I wonder why we have to punish ourselves with these feats of endurance in education. It's more like, "How long can you focus on these mindless facts?" And a lot less like, "Think of something original and expand upon it. If you can't think of anything original, then make some one else's idea better and give them some credit for the original idea." Maybe that makes no sense to you (the reader) but that's how my brain thought it through.

I did realize that my college experience thus far has given me something. Things which I could have eventually figured out on my own, but at least I realized them sooner than later.

First of all, I realized I hate ignorant people. I'm not even going to attempt to justify what an ignorant person is. It's like my personal racism. Some really ridiculous people are racist against black people in the Mid-South. I'm discriminatory against ignorant people. Happy?

Second, I realized that the internet is a wonderful place to find information. It takes A LOT of effort to find that information. But soon after one finds the capacity to find useful information on the internet, your knowledge of what's going on in the world increases infinitely. Applying that knowledge is a whole different story though. The best part about the internet is that there's a relatively low tuition cost. You simply need a computer capable reproducing the current web standards and a subscription to an ISP. The U.S. has a lack of a broadband backbone, but hey it's a big country and we're working on it.

Another thing I realized is, that good friends are hard to come by. Good friends are even harder to tolerate on certain occasions as well... Not as hard as ignorant people, but it takes work nonetheless. I'm really grateful for the people around me in my current hometown. It's all very convenient and I have people to talk to and hang out with a simple dial on the cellphone. Okay, maybe I don't have to work hard to have good friends. But a couple here and there do a lot of stupid stuff that I can't talk them out of.

I can't escape music, rather I need to embrace it. Anyone who hates listening to music is simply giving up on one of their senses. Everything can be turned into music depending on the situation. Ever heard to the conversation of hundreds of people at once? Go to a concert festival or a convention and just listen to the roar of the crowd all talking at the same time. It's music. Music can also be what we listen to on the radio, Mp3 players (iPods for people that can't tell the difference between the two or that they're one in the same), internet, etc.

This world is so subjective. There's no room to judge for the most part. I'm a hypocrite, because I totally judge ignorant people. But everyone's a bit ignorant at one time. It just takes certain people longer than others to grow and adapt. For instance, a Westerner may say that it's ignorant to use chopsticks to eat food, while a majority of people would say otherwise. There's no way to justify either practice of eating. They both get the action of eating finished. This just happens in radically different fashions.

I wonder what's next in life. College isn't too much longer in the grand scheme of things. I haven't made the most of it so far (grades are stellar, but they're average). I plan on using it for something good though. When I mean good, I hope that it helps a great number of people. I want my legacy to be something that benefited people. Maybe I can do that with music, maybe with words. It's impossible to predict the future at this point.

I'll see the rest of you on the way there though.

Good luck on exams people.

Silver Streams of Thought

2009-12-06T23:47:00.006-06:00

Pondering about the future. Thinking about things that should not have happened, but did. The silver stream of memory, ultimately tainted by those moments that tarnish and distort the mirror image. Where can one find the cleaner to restore memory's luster?

Thinking about that moment; the one that made meaning in my life, that caused feelings so true, a relatively long streak of shiny silver. There were spots like any stretch however small peering on the er yue nien of the shiny strand. Touching among that spot reveals the undisclosed desires emanating from the shadows of the past, ghosts now.

Who can decipher the meaning in these words? I write from a shadowed state of mind with jubilant noise of the heavens enveloping my ear canals. A strange mix of poetic attempt and an overwhelming hint of the geek. Make fun of him, one might... little do they know the true state of him, for he is too reserved like an oak tree in the humid country summer. The thin branches darken and cover the trunk of the being. They seem to peer upon him with wanton eyes with the longer strands.

Walking down the silver road, now a miniature size of the former being, he peers upon the young experience. The tune being hummed (for everyone deserves their own music) resembled an upbeat mix of music from a plethora of media experienced. As the feet made ripples in the material, the music traveled through the being's veins like the life giving liquid itself. Remind me of the intent...

Who can come forward to say which words have meaning in certain combinations?
There are indeed laws and regulations to govern our tastes, but I certainly was given no say on the original. Meet the person before judgment is passed. Ask them personally and truthfully. It actually restores the silver strand.

All of life's strands are mixed and intertwined like roots in the earth. Tainted by the reality that everything is not as one sees it. Subjectivity is received only when the minority joins with the majority or overtakes it.

Words only have meaning when the reader intersects with the writer. Other wise, all meaning is lost for a separate end.

Even though it's wrong, the feeling may not be thwarted. Live.

Food selection at the University of Memphis

2009-11-12T17:31:00.004-06:00

I have to admit some things first before going into what I hate about the food selections on campus. I do not eat healthy a majority of the time usually because I'm lazy. I spend way too much money on prepared food (mostly fast food and deli places, whatever). I am a hypocrite for pointing the things I'm about to talk about; I also am a slave to the food that is so yummy and fried as well as processed. In my concluding thought I'm going to tie this in with the crap I wish to discuss. Anyway, with that in mind, here I go:

During my International Economics class, the topic of sustainable food practices in relation to economics came up. The big pink elephant in the room on that issue is the gross unhealthy eating habits that Americans and other Western countries are associated with. I'm well aware that not everyone in the United States eats like a 250 lbs. 5'4" 30 year old male that loves frequenting Mc Donalds. However, it's not too far from the fact that we do have a serious dieting problem here.

One of the things that was mentioned is the fact that we produce an unhealthy amount of livestock. Our overproduction of livestock (think cows, chicken, turkey...) produces a large amount of methane and other pollutants. It's also a really wasteful way to get most of our calories. We're eating a majority of our food on the wrong end of the food chain (in other words). This has all been said before, and I don't claim any originality on this topic, but it got me thinking. The problems with food in my class were on a national scale; really though, we have a huge problem with it on campus...right here at the University of Memphis.

I was walking out of Fogleman and I noticed a sign about the new food venues being added to the new Student Union Center. What was it advertising?

1.) A Burger King "Burger Bar"
2.) Taco Bell
3.) Dunkin Doughnuts

Really? REALLY?! This is a good thing!? It made me sick. We're getting a brand new food court in the Student Union, and the good "new" "awesome" restaurants being added are just as unhealthy as the current food options on campus. I never eat on campus, simply because I've been attempting to make some lifestyle changes on what I consume. It hasn't been going very well, since I think about it all the time. Granted, I don't have a weight problem, but I do have a problem with eating healthy. And there's very few options on campus to support a diet that shuns unhealthy food.

You're probably asking what is so unhealthy about the food choices on campus. Well let me go down the list of food you can get off the top of my head:

Healthy choices:

At the registers, one can pick up cups of granola, apples, bananas, and some other assorted "healthy choice" granola bars and what not.

There are healthy choice open refrigerators with hand made sandwiches, wraps, salads, fruit cups, and a small assortment of veggie based snacks and meals. It's like the "healthy" menu at a fast food chain to get the media off their back about serving largely unhealthy fatty food with no wholesome options.

Sushi? There's a sushi bar. It's not really "healthy" or something one should eat every day. It's just better than some of the other choices that one has to pick from on campus.

Subway. Yeah, Subway is actually one of the healthy options. The problem I have with Subway is that it's not really food that people should eat every day. In the end, it's paltry sandwich meat which has been sitting there all day with an assortment of other poorly prepared and non-fresh ingredients.

Unhealthy:

Pizza Bar: The pizza U of M offers is NOT healthy. You could paint a wall orange with the grease you get off of two slices of pizza.

Grill Works: There's not much to say about why this isn't healthy. They serve burgers and philly cheese steak sandwiches and fries.

Bene Pasta: Empty carbs and canned sauce with fatty processed mozzarella cheese.

Chik Fil' A: It's fried chicken. I don't care if it's fried in peanut oil; the chicken is still breaded and fried. They serve that and fries. Plus some poorly prepared side salads.

Zoca: It's a burrito bar. All of the ingredients are canned. The meat is heavily processed and poorly prepared and stored. It's like spooning ingredients out of a trough and then wrapping it up in a tortilla or throwing it a taco salad bowl.
_____________________________________

That's it the Tiger Den. There's Einstein Brothers in the library... I won't even go into how expensive that place is. And then there's a cafeteria style food court in Richardson Towers, as well as another Pizza Bar and a Quiznos (which is no better than Subway). Also, in the FedEx Cyber cafe, there's a pasta bar that servers pre-pared sandwhiches (which sit under hot lights for hours) and pasta similar to the Tiger Den's.

So basically, there's nothing healthy to eat on campus.

Another thing about the food is that it's EXPENSIVE. A student can hardly get by with 5 dollars eating on campus. The cheapest beverage one can buy is a 22 oz. soft drink for $1.29. Soft Drinks are actually less expensive than a bottle of water. But say, one has 5 dollars to spend for lunch, which isn't totally unreasonable. One could get an eight count box of chicken nuggets and fries. Then, possibly drink some water from the water fountain.

According to the "Chik-fil-A - Meal calculator" on their website, one would gain:
- 650 Calories
- 33 grams of fat
- 6.5 grams of saturated fat
- 70 mg of cholesterol
- 1.18 grams of sodium
- 57 grams of carbohydrates
- 5 grams of fiber (oh boy)
- 2 grams of protein
- 32 grams of protein

This is not, by far, the most unhealthy meal you can buy at the University of Memphis. But, it's one of the cheapest and it's not very fulfilling. It's certainly more filling that buying the "healthy" option would would cost several more dollars than this meal. Plus you didn't even get a drink with it. I think that this is a pretty average meal for the average student with a meal plan at the University of Memphis. From what I observe, most students would buy a 22 oz. soft drink with this and be satiated from hunger. That's fine. People eat...

What bothers me is that there aren't many alternatives from this average meal. This meal certainly is not healthy. It certainly doesn't contain any fruit or veggies. It doesn't contain a large portion of what people SHOULD eat in a regular meal. It's upsetting to say the least.

*EDIT* I noticed I hadn't published this post yet. It's way overdue seeing how I don't go to the U of M anymore. Sad times indeed. Anyways, still thought it was an interesting read nevertheless.

2009-10-14T23:47:00.002-05:00

So I'm totally procrastinating for a paper that's only 1000 words. It's my own fault of course. I just totally don't save any of the information I read for my Chinese Philosophy class. I'm pretty much terrible at life right now...

Anyways, I looked through my G-mail inbox and sort of skimmed over all of the messages I've sent to people in the past two years. I started my primary e-mail address with gmail around like 2007 at this point in the year.

It's really crazy how much information and memory I have saved in that inbox. Megabytes of data and what not. I should really get rid of some of it, because who knows where it will end up. I am at the mercy of Google to respect the privacy of my information. It is saved in their server somewhere though : (!

That's something I like to do though, reflect on the words that I've typed to people after a while. What kind of content on the internet will eventually be sifted through and seen as important in the grand scheme of things? Probably not even a half of a percentage of it. Most of it's probably porn videos....

I wonder how much data in "bytes" the average human thought translates to. I hear different publications and media say we have "x amount of recorded data on the internet and in books." But still, how does the random thoughts of everyone human on the earth compare to the hard knowledge stored in the form of electrical 0's and 1's on our hard drives?

Meh, that's a bit too deep for tonight... I should really concentrate on not staying up until four. Anywho, thanks for listening internet.

Something that bugs me.

2009-09-24T16:38:00.002-05:00

I'm currently taking a class named, "Class of the Cultures." Better known as University College 3550. The first thing that really bugs me is that it was only offered once a week on Thursday night from six to nine p.m. You can only imagine how long three hours in one class feels like.

Also, the manner in which class is conducted really really really really extremely bothers me. So far, we're reading from only one book (the title really isn't pertinent to my point). It's about 130~ pages or so a week. That's no problem due to the fact we aren't required to do anything else. Each three hour class period, several students have to present a powerpoint presentation summarizing the main content for the chapter. Yes, this occurs for three hours.

Another thing I find hilarious about this, is that students overlap on the chapters that are presented. So I don't have to observe the droll powerpoint summary of the first encounter with the Tahitians once, but twice. BUT! THERE'S MORE! AGAIN, at the tail end of the class, the professor presents YET ANOTHER powerpoint presentation summarizing the main points of each chapter. It's like banging my head against a wall covered in exposed rusty nails.

I can't really contrive any other sort of more ridiculous format for a class at the moment. I mine as well never show up because if I can already read critically, then why the hell do I need to sit through a shitty powerpoint presentation to go over the material again! If we actually debated about the topics presented in the reading, I would be totally fine with sitting there for three hours. However, probably less than 5% of the three hour class period is spent sitting there and actually saying things like, "What the fuck, these people were massacred, enslaved, raped, and literally driven to extinction!" This is the common theme by the way.

And looking from a more objective standpoint, it's not the fault of the students for having bad powerpoint presentations. Who the fuck would want to summarize a reading from a book in college? I mean, are we really doing this shit still? Why even ask the students to read the book in the first place if we're just going to summarize it (POSSIBLY THREE TIMES THROUGHOUT THE CLASS NO LESS)? You're probably saying, "You don't really have to do anything else, why bitch about repetition?" The answer is the principle of learning. That is not learning by any means. One learns from active conversation and debate, or through practice and example (in the case of some science and mathematic courses).

The University of Memphis is a terrible place for learning. Most of the professors are probably underpaid, and it blatantly shows. Here's a brainstorm list of what I've observed:

*Professors parrot information

*Professors give you work, you do it, and then you turn it in. NO explanations or discussion.

*Professors make students do all of the teaching (or their convoluted definition of teaching).

*Professors truly don't give a horse shit about the class and it mentally and physically shows.

*Professors are weak, and let dick hole student opinion's and rude nature take over the class.

*Professors have some sort of weird format for the class, or don't make use of readily available technology.

*Professors don't engage with the class. Period, end of story.

I'm sure you're already tired of reading my bitching. I know like maybe two people read this, but I just had to get this off of my chest. And possibly I expect too much, or I should have tried harder to get into a "better" university. But from the comments I've heard from students at private colleges and "top 50" universities, it doesn't seem much better.

I just think our university system is in the shithole because we're so used to being lazy. It really shows as well.

Rainy Day

2009-03-13T14:54:00.002-05:00

Wondering where the week went. There's not a whole lot to do in Memphis, so there was not a whole lot to do as usual. I went to the Zoo, ate out a lot, spent a lot of money, and had good company. I wish I could have spent more time with specific people though.

Right now, I'm sitting at Matthew's Dad's house. It's sort of a place that lets complex thinking happen, at least for me. I wonder what the rest of the semester is going to bring forward. Am I going to perform the same way I have the past couple semesters of college? Probably. It's not usually a given that I do well academically as of late. There are so many things to disagree with rather than just go along with the flow and be extremely productive rather than take each day like a deep breathe.

What would making extremely respectable grades gain for myself? Probably not much considering my economic situation and ability. That's a pessimistic view, but things are not looking good for the future. I do not know what these writings are going to gain me, but whatever, it is something to do at least. Someone had the interesting idea of running a low power Magic J@ck computer. Interesting, yet not worth it to me. I do not use the phone that much to warrant the 400+ dollar investment for the low power PC, phone, and the Magic J@ck.

Oh well. Maybe some interesting movies will pop up tonight since a movie marathon is in the works. One of the few things that seem to be prevalent among this area, given the lack of entertainment. Less ways to spend money cheaply I suppose. Oh yeah, and the Eee PC 1000HE is an extremely choice system for remaining highly mobile, and I highly recommend it to anyone that has the means or need. Thanks Hollywood for that terrible Ferris Bueller reference. (probably spelled that wrong).

Some common questions

2009-03-09T03:15:00.002-05:00

Why do I question the natural state of things?
Why are some people so terribly screwed up?
What is wealth?
How do we measure wealth?
Why is wealth important?
What governs wealth?
Who governs the people that govern wealth?
Is this why people are poor?
Is this why people suffer?
Is this why people place value and labels on the "poor" and the "rich?"
What is, a "person?"
How does that definition change depending on your social and economic status?
Why does net worth determine the amount of say you have in society?
..........

How much wealth and thought does it take to fix these problems:
Debt
Hunger
Disease
Overpopulation
Pollution
Greed

How much time does it take for us to realize, that looking out for yourself only ensures that death will be a fast guest? Hi, and goodbye.

What is a "consumer?" Why am I labeled as such?
What is "freedom of speech?" What exactly does it entail?
What inalienable rights do I truly have as a citizen, that go without saying by means of vocal or physical action?

How am I allowed to express my opinion?
What are the unsaid rules of this society, that invisibly spell out the way I should act and go about my life?

How many people will have already stopped reading, or will have made a judgment on the person typing this?

Let's keep going.

Do I live in a sick society? Or am I sick?
Do I ever stay up knowing that something feels wrong, or that my life just feels pointless in the greater scheme of things?
What can I do to solve the great questions of my generation?
How do I refrain from getting the people I love away from foul disposition caused by my thought?

How is a person set free, to do what is truly right?
What is? What is right?

Is that too broad of a question to ask?
Are my thoughts erratic?
Can one idea, truly spark the ripple of change for other thoughts?
Does the simple flap of a fly's wing change the course of a person's future?
Is this way too deep and crazy now?

Or, am I programmed to question sanity, and what I truly believe is right?
Is there some method in which all components of greed and corruption work in tandem to cause every single person to eventually become the perpetrators of such vices?

Is human thought a never ending loop, and equilibrium of good and evil aspects which keep our species continually on the edge of extinction and survival, yet ever in a balance of life?

How many times has the thought of a human being been misinterpreted, or transformed into the exact opposite of the original thought?

What aspects of our general society, govern the way one thinks?
What causes someone to finally speak out against the grain?
What events spawn out of ideas that eventually evolve the natural occurrence of humans?

When will human thought finally discover the true medium between too much and too little for our survival?

When will I finally find a peaceful point in my life, to where my mind is not troubled by questions such as these?

Is ignorance, really the point at which one may live peacfully, lovely, happily, blissfully?

Do questions always get answered?
Do questions,

never get answered?

A thought

2009-03-07T20:26:00.001-06:00

Has anyone ever had the experience of watching someone being changed for the worse?

I'm sure everyone has, whether it be someone that you love, or just a friend. The person you remember is hidden in some forsaken corner; dusty from the forgetfulness of people. The physical person is a mere image of the one curled up in the corner, afraid to come out.

The reason is not clear, even though you might have a good idea why. There usually was a choice that concealed the original person. But, it is also completely hidden from your prodding questions, your now unfamiliar smile, and the warmth of your hugs.

How are we supposed to even begin searching for the forgotten persona? Where does one start when the painful amnesia has already enveloped the person?

The answer is, you can't. It's like anything in life. If you know something is not right, you fight for it. The method in which you fight may not always be clear or even right at times. Still, you can't let it go. Never let it go.

Knowing that you tried is the key and the reason. The reason why you try is for just that small chance that the real person comes out and replaces the cheap, painted, plastic shell that covers the possibly rusty shell of the person. Even though the rust is different from the original shimmering person, it can be restored.

Don't give up on people.

It's Late and stuff! Thoughts

2008-03-20T00:40:00.002-05:00

So, I just recently got in touch with one of my cousins, Michael AuYeung, who is like one of my three friends on LiveJournal. We've just been conversing about whatever comes up, and the stupid questions I ask him. I find the most interest in Michael for several reasons, but I wont' go into detail. I can say that he's intelligent as hell, and probably way above what I could have ever hoped to achieve academically. Although he thinks that my other cousins aren't generally too fond of him *for whatever dumb reason* I think they're mostly jealous and sort of intimidated by the fact that they have no idea what's going on in his head most of the time... lol (neither do I).

This is going on the blog too on my blogspot account, but w/e. Anyways, *said in the Unforgiveable voice* I thought I'd write something for a change. A) because it's healthy B) I'm bored C) Caroline and Michael aren't talking much tonight.

I'm listening to some of my dad's 80's music, and I really want to digitalize all of his old records. I know it won't be the same as actually listening to the records, but I'd like it saved on some sort of drive just to say that I did it and to say that I have a digital collection of 80's records. He actually has an awesome collection of stuff. One being the original Rick Astley "Rick Roll" record, and the Men Without Hats "Safety Dance" record. This is just the tip of the oh so bad 80's music. Apparently he used to be a DJ for a couple years while in college, so he stacked up quite a collection. It's strange how people don't have physical CDs or Records nowadays. We either downloaded all of our stuff via some sort of peer to peer file transfer program, got it from our friends via burned CD, or some other random method of getting music I'm not familiar with.

Right now I'm getting Daft Punk from somewhere... because I need that type of music. I'm getting hooked on electronica groups and that general type of music. Royksopp is a yesplz at the moment. I watched the YouTube video of remind me like ten times because I lost my digital copy of it when I migrated to my new Macbook. Which reminds me, here's my sort of personal review of my 2.2 GHZ White, Santa Rosa Macbook (Late 2007).

Specs:
Hardware Overview:

Model Name: MacBook
Model Identifier: MacBook3,1
Processor Name: Intel Core 2 Duo
Processor Speed: 2.2 GHz
Number Of Processors: 1
Total Number Of Cores: 2
L2 Cache: 4 MB
Memory: 4 GB (OWC)
Bus Speed: 800 MHz

It's fast as hell, and really just right for what I want so far. Portable enough to lug around campus in my Tucano sleeve, and powerful enough to do some "light" gaming. I get about an average of 20 FPS in areas with other players, and 15 FPS when PVPing. This is of course in low settings (in World of Warcraft) which I haven't been playing a lot of lately. I've been trying to study more, which is reflecting my grades right now :3.

On a darker side, I'm sad that Vent on OS X only supports the Speex codec, which is a HUGE block for talking with some of my internet friends via WoW. It's like making me not want to get on my warrior on Arthats :(.
I've also gotten two kernel panics due to an issue with OS X rendering Open Office in X11, coupled with playing iTunes, browsing the web, and doing probably ten other things that I force this machine to complete all at once.

I got one more kernel panic a couple of minutes before I started to type this, and it was probably due to iTunes + Transmission running at the same time with my masking stuffs.

I've been toying around with Pages to really get the feel for how it's different from the traditional MS office setup. I tried the demo of Office 2008, *because I refuse to use Open Office anymore, it lost a third of my research paper draft I was working on* but the new user interface is fricken horrible. I deplore it. Pages it definitely going to take some getting used to, but at least it's useable and a full version that I can expect not to screw up my MacBook.

In other news, I'm looking desperately for a new hobby. I've been bouncing from so many ideas it's not even funny. I thought I wanted to jump on the YouTube band wagon, but I realized it's just a bunch of idiots making retarded claims like any other random forum. I wanted to start a podcast, but I realized I didn't have anything interesting to say. I wanted to start recording my flute and submitting mixes to sites like AcidPlanet, and maybe get into that myself. But, that'd be costly to get started with the soft ware / mic / midi input / billion other things.

I really can't decide. I like writing these informal blogs and stuff, so maybe I'll try to branch out my Blogspot blog and this Live Journal by joining some networks and what not. I don't really have much to hide and don't care if people know my identity. Nothing to hide, nor be ashamed of. Of course, I say that now. But there's no doubt it'll bite me in the ass later.... lol

Things with Caroline have been great lately, seeing as how we're not fighting about trivial matters anymore :3 which makes me truly happy. I'm not happy with the state of my life however, and this has nothing to do with my relationship. I'm just sort of bored outside of classes. Like said, I need something constructive to do like write this pointless crap. But I'd rather it if more than 15 people read it. So I'll have to go about getting myself exposed *lol references*.

Anywho, good night intarnets. I'm tired. And Michael isn't on, which sucks lol.

Bored out of my mind!

2008-03-07T13:05:00.003-06:00

Well, I haven't done a blog in a couple months now. That's due to the fact that I don't have to do blogs anymore, but then again I feel as if I need to do blogs again. This is due to the fact that I'm so fucking bored at the moment (Fuck is such a useless word in most cases). I realized that I spent about 5 hours in the past week of my Spring Break watching YouTube videos and doing other useless web browsing that yield basically no satisfaction.

Several ideas popped into my mind for things that I could do. It was like one of those moment where you think you could do something really cool if you just started it. Which is very similar to the idea of a six year old getting a pet (and then the parent ends of taking care of the damn thing).

First thing I pondered about was starting a video blog, or a "vlog" for all those cool internet hipsters that use the lingo and shit. Most of the people that use that term are awkward 40+ year old bored columnists. But, after I looked at the possible equipment and the fact that I'd need to get other people to participate and learn a plethora of other things, I decided against that. I could always use my shiny new Macbook to make some crappy directly uploaded videos, but somehow that just seems stupid and not satisfying.

*Going off in a completely different direction* It's snowing outside, and I briefly stood in it until I started freezing my ass off. Well, it was only 37 degrees, but I've lived in Tennessee my whole life so that's cold for me. Why does the weather taunt us? WHY? Why can't we just get a decent amount of snow for once. I just want a stupid picture with a snow man :(....

The second thing I thought I might do is start a podcast pertaining life in Memphis / U of M life / anything. But, I realized that actually getting people to listen to it would be harder that recording and coming up with ideas to put into the podcast. On another random thought, I really need to invest into getting some better / new music. And no, I actually want to legally download it or buy CDs. Somehow I just feel bad about pirating music. And don't sit there and act like you haven't done it before either :P. I feel bad every time I teach someone my dad's age at work how to download music with a torrent client lol...

Another thing I thought I'd get into is photography. *yeah I know, real typical. Video blog > Podcast > Photography with Flicker / Picasa* But then I again realized that I'd need a camera. I have the money to blow on it, but I don't want to blow the money on it. I like these really raunchy Freezepop songs. Yeah, another random comment I know. This stuff is coming from my head as it pops in there. Anyway, I know maybe three or four people will read this, so I suppose that I'll just end it here. In the coming weeks I'll probably be posting more stuff and associating this with all ma forums. Sprint Users *I know lame,* MacRumors *I joined the fanboy club,* WoW forums *lol,* and YouTube *I got 500 views on a video :O?*

on to find something else to do.

*EDIT*
CHRIST THE BLOG that you get to when you hit "Next Blog" at the top of the page is disturbing. YOU have been warned.

All five of you.

Bah

2007-12-02T12:45:00.000-06:00

Well I know probably three or possibly four people will read this, but I'm kinda hooked to writing my senseless bullshit on the internet now, like anyone cares. However, exams are coming up and it's getting to be that nostalgic sort of moment where one looks back on half of a school year and realizes that you didn't do a lot of shit that you wanted to do (like make better grades). I don't regret it, cause I had a great time making mediocre grades. Plus I ate some fried catfish at this place called the "Catfish Company" in Olive Branch and it just hit me =(... Ouch that didn't feel good.

I wrote like a 5 paragraph piece of shit blog that I felt like posting but then I deleted it. I read it over again and realized that anyone reading it would've thought, "Why the fuck do I care about this. Why am I reading this if the class is over. Why am I continuing to read this. *closes firefox*."

Anyways, I wish people would just submit to the damn Writer's guild. I'm tired of listening to everyone on my regular forums crying about watching the same re runs over and over again. They're willingly watching the same shit repeatedly while also complaining about it on the internet, which in turn is causing me to complain on the internet. It's a wonderful thing to complain on the internet. No one cares.

And a final note about UNHP. Don't take it. Or any math course at the U of M that uses Course Compass. Good Luck on finals. Stop wasting time reading my shitty blog.

Facebook turning into Myspace = (

2007-11-29T15:37:00.001-06:00

So I'm noticing more and more things about Facebook that I really hated about Myspace. For instance, there's this new thing called: "Facebook Diaries" which is exactly like it sounds. It's a bunch of sheep talking about their lives on the internet in attempt to win a contest and become famous. Yes, that's the point of everything, getting yourself known. Whatever happened to the good days when Facebook didn't have a lot of application and it was simply the fun of poking, writing on people's walls, or making funny groups? Today's Facebook invites literally everyone to join, which sucks. It brings a lot of different stuff to the mix and a whole new wave of crap I never wanted to deal with in the first place.

First off: Facebook Diaries This is a step in the wrong direction. First off all it's a huge Hewlett Packard ad. trying to sell their brand image, "The Computer is Personal Again (if you spend extra money on our brand name)." When you start getting into this brand image stuff with sites like Facebook and Myspace you get crappy results like this stupid "Sponsored" group. Yes, it's utilizing the old and loved group system on Facebook to advertise to users and to get people to join. Everyone joins random groups on habit just for fun. Now it's a whole new way of advertising for companies like HP.

It's also opening up Facebook to all the stupid ditzy glittery customization that Myspace has, or the classic "Omg look at all the music I listen to and here's pictures of the band, and here's a magazine article about them, and here's the movie with one of the band members in it from YouTube that I masturbate to BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH." Or even one of those extremely emo pages about how much that person's life sucks. I really wouldn't be surprised to see a future application called: "Wristcutters, a special wall for all the idiots that feel like life isn't worth living and feel the need to be different by dressing in black and looking depressed on purpose to get some inkling of self esteem, etc. etc. etc." And I hate using the word Emo. That word could entail about a three page description on retarded shit that people use to make themselves "emo" and why their lives suck so much more than everyone else's in the world.

Another thing is the load time on some people's profile pages. Jesus Christ, there's so many pointless applications that my head is going to explode from thinking about them all. It took my computer with a land line DSL connection almost two minutes to load the 20 something applications on one of my friends pages. I know the applications are fun, but why the hell do people feel the need to have ALL OF THEM. You know how annoying it is to go to someone's page, wait two minutes for it to load with a broadband internet connection, then scroll down for 15 seconds just to get to your wall??? The first thing I do now is utilize the minimize function with the application box when I get to profiles like this. Thank god it gives you that option at least.

I'm expecting for there to be some Facebook Music page next, or a Facebook supported "sponsored" application for bands to get Facebooks. People already do it with groups. I just want Facebook to be the simple way to talk to my friends like it used to be. Just one simple profile box, a gift box, a friend box, an update box, and a wall. That's what made Facebook so great in the first place. It's simple, easy, not cluttered. With the arrival of spam accounts, sponsorships on groups, and billions of applications it's just going to turn into a deviated Myspace.

The newest update from Mark Zuckerburg is going to be something like this I bet:

"Dear Facebook community,

We've sold our souls to Hewlett Packard, Google, Microsoft, and a plethora of other companies. Feel free to get out while you still can. For the people that have stuck it out this long, thanks. But I'm making so much cash that this website doesn't mean shit to me anymore. For everyone that's staying, congratulations on being part of MySpace 2.0. Happy Holidays!

P.S.
There are Facebook T-shirts on sale via the 'lol buy a t-shirt' group.
P.P.S.
Suckers"

Combatting Corporatism?!?

2007-11-29T13:20:00.001-06:00

Okay, well anyone that actually reads my blog in this class knows by now that I hate UNHP with a passion. I rant and rave about it all the time because I think we waste time on the most generalized bullshit I've ever had to experience in my entire life. But today I just feel the need once again to basically rant about how especially stupid the generalized bullshit was and how I feel cheated for this class. When my professor reads her SETE BS thing I hope she cries because I feel like that whole class was both a waste of time and scholarship money.

Today we mainly focused on the topic of brand image and anti-corporatism. Anti-corporatism refers to boycotting or avoiding any sort of brand name like Coke for instance because you don't agree with the ethics of the company. Any sort of brand: Wal-Mart, Apple, Dell, Gap, Abercrombie, Comcast, AT&t, etc. etc... You really can't avoid running into a brand name from day to day. It's literally impossible. For instance, everyone morning when you brush your teeth or take a shower you're using some brand name product unless you home make all of your hygiene products. It's just unavoidable.

Well our teacher asked us "what do students in your age group do to support anti-corporatism?" to which one girl responded hastily: "Well my friends and I won't buy Abercrombie..." because they are made by underpaid foreign workers. That may be a good cause to not buy those clothes, but I'm willing to bet that every piece of clothing that girl was wearing was made either in China, Indonesia, or some other Asian country. There's just no avoiding it. Even the less recognized articles of clothing (Underwear, undershirts, etc.) are especially made by underpaid laborers. You can't boycott clothing. You have to wear it lol.

Anyways I responded, "You can't be anti-corporate. Right now, we're using wireless internet provided by Comcast..." And we're probably supporting a million other corporations unknowingly. I'm just being a pessimist, but we are supporting these "evil corporations." You're just making yourself even more hypocritical by saying that you boycott some clothing brand if you're wearing clothes! Rather than boycotting Abercrombie for hiring labor out of the country, boycott them for spraying their manikins every 30 minutes with overpowering purfume. Boycott them for pricing ugly ass looking clothes with a "worn look." All they do is wash the clothes with volcanic stone for a day or so. You could do that too with a little effort.

If you want to make a difference make an educated well thought out opinion of why you're doing something rather than just spouting off a decision that took you two minutes to realize with little or no evidence. Before you feel the need to boycott something because of whatever retarded reason think about other things that you buy or participate in. If you don't go to a particular food establishment because of something ethical reason then think about the places you do go to. Are they a franchise? If so then they probably buy products that aren't produced in the U.S. and thus are probably subjected upon workers who make little to no money to produce whatever filth it is that you eat (lol I'm on a roll here). If you drink Starbucks Coffee think about where they get their coffee beans. Also think about where the hell they get their cups and straws and napkins. China. South America.

You can either be overly paranoid about this stuff or you can blow it off like I do. I can't avoid it. I'm using Comcast Internet right now to type and submit this blog. Just please don't conflict your own opinion though. If you wanna boycott any clothing line because they use sweat shop labor then boycott all of them. If you're boycotting McDonalds then boycott Starbucks too. If you're using a Mac or an Ipod or a Dell computer or whatever then boycott all the other companies that make computers and MP3 players. They're all put together in China

Stop wearing shoes too. They're all made by sweatshop labor. Even the cheap ones lol.

I'll stop complaining now thanks.

Freedom of the Net

2007-11-27T13:30:00.000-06:00

The fact is that a majority of internet users today now rely on broadband internet, whether it be through a cellular service, cable, or phone line connection. However, this provides people with a very limited choice for how to even connect to the internet. I sorta got the idea to talk about this from this article from CNET.com.

Anyways, internet isn't free. Everyone pays a helluva lot of money each month to use it. I pay almost forty dollars a month for my DSL. It'd be even higher if there wasn't a monopoly on the system. Currently for Tennessee we pay little to no tax on high speed internet. It takes a very small communications tax. If you look at your cellphone bill you'll probably see taxes adding up to about 20% of your overall bill. But with internet, it's still relatively cheap on the tax, despite the at least 20 $ plus charge you pay for it, depending on how fast your internet is and how much other crap you have prepackaged with it. That's another catch for ordering highspeed internet. If you want the 20 dollar advertised priced from AT&T / Bellsouth (whatever) you have to buy, Homephone, Internet, Cellphones, and possibly DirecTV who's their partner in crime. It's the same thing with Comcast. If you want their 30 $ advertised internet you have to buy the phone and Cable TV connection too. SO either way you're going to pay at least 35-40 dollars. IF you don't get it prepackaged then you pay extra for only having one service as opposed to have all three.

The reason why AT&T and Comcast can charge so much for internet service is due to the fact that they have a duopoly. They may be two different entities, but you end up paying the same price for both of the services. There's nothing you can do about it either. Some places DSL can't be hooked up (I think it's more reliable than Comcast). Other places Cable internet (Comcast) can't be hooked up. You really don't have a choice. Sure you could go get one of those expensive broadband internet cards from Verizon or AT&T, but you're going to pay at least 50$ for that service alone. It might not even work with your computer. And during high traffic times of the day you might not even get reliable service. Verizon is attempting to build a vast network for their wireless broadband PC / Mac cards, but it's still in the works and still very expensive. There really aren't any replacements for DSL and Cable Internet.

So even though I deplore the idea of there only being about three options for broadband internet, I also shudder to think the amount of taxes the government will tack on if they open up the broadband internet service to everyone. Currently it's really really really hard to get in on it. All of the local services that used to exist (the no name DSL and Broadband services that hooked you up via their satellite) have been absorbed by Comcast and AT&T. This lowered the price, but then shot it back up once no competition was left for the two companies to compete over. There isn't any democracy about broadband internet. Only one or two superpowers exist for specific regions. You either choose to pay 30$ dollars for their service or you're shit out of luck with no internet.

What is the answer to this? I have no idea. But how does one company go about battling two giants who have a stranglehold on the commodity? People can't refuse their service. IT's there, and there's nothing else to replace it. There are some parts of the United States that still don't have broadband and DSL access simply because there's not enough demand in those areas. So it's not worth it for the two companies to even set up service in those areas. "Those areas" refers to places where a majority of the people can't afford it.

A part of our tuition goes to Comcast for our wireless internet on campus. If I'm not mistaken the internet service was originally provided by Time Warner Cable which is now Comcast. So think about that every time you use U of M wireless access. It' nice and convenient. But, we are supporting a monopoly. Nothing we can do about it. Comcast is known all over the United States for bad Indian tech support and random disconnects. There's nothing anyone can do to protest bad service. It's either deal with it, or you don't have internet. hehe

I'm not trying to tell everyone to boycott Comcast and AT&T. I'm just trying to point out that even though we hate big corporations and their control over us, we support them. There isn't any huge dissent against these two companies controlling the internet for a whole country. And yes they do, and there's nothing you can immediately do about de - privatizing their control over the market. Areas getting broadband internet relies on these two company's greed and control and will to control the need for internet.

Who knows lol

Sentence Story Thing

2007-11-27T13:05:00.000-06:00

So the premise for me writing this was that I thought, "Wow these sentences would make a bunch of really stupid band names." So that's how I sorta got the premise for this exchange. I really didn't get the idea of the exercise in the first place, but that's probably why I shouldn't be late for class :(! My apologies >_<. Navid, Matt, and Phil thought that my paragraph was the "winner" though, so I thought I'd inform you all of that at least.

In the odd town of Acidville, no one knows what the hell is going down next. the coffee shop: "The Dark Falcon is Sliding the Prestigious Kettle" is teeming with avid hookah smokers all sipping awfully colored coffee mugs. Two yuppies argue which band is better: "The Pretty Dog Saunters the Pretty mile," or "An Ostentatious Bird Runs A Repulsive Puppy."

"Who the hell cares," remarks the waiter. "Both of those names sound retarded anyways."

Just after the waiter makes this remark, another patron of the cafe enters the front dorr, wearing yet another band t-shit. "A Serence Little Box Obliterated the Bloody Frog." The two men who were arguing over their separate bands blankly stared at the newcomer.

"Well, that has to be the worst name for an 'emo' band I've ever seen." says the waiter as he walks off.

_________________________________________________________________________________

Anyways, I'd like to say that I've over all enjoyed the idea of doing blogs as a class assignment. The only time I've disliked the idea of doing blogs for a grade is when I slacked off. Maybe I'll even continue to do blogs after the requirement is over with. I'd also like to take this time to say that I hate UNHP. lol

Another QQ about e-mail.

2007-11-19T15:38:00.001-06:00

Inspired by this article.

People are moving away from e-mail as a primary form of communication. All I use it for is for notifying me of other things (Facebook, Blog, Forum comments, updates, etc.). But, I don't talk to people via e-mail. It just doesn't happen. People either won't respond, or will take too long to respond. It's just sort of impersonal too. Everyone's e-mail looks the same, no matter what platform you use. They have minor differences, but there's no customization.

That's one of the reasons that e-mail is bowing to the new masters of communication on the internet. Facebook and Myspace. When you send someone a message via either of these sites, you're essentially talking directly and personally to them. I moved away from using Myspace, just tired of the spam and what not, but Facebook is just so easy to use and it does most everything for you. There's no annoying options for over customization (like the pretty girls who's myspace pages are sparkling barf and pink everywhere). Yes, even though that sounds like a contradiction, such a thing exists where people can put way too much into something. There's also the home page of Facebook that displays highlights from everyone's mini feed on your friend's list. It's just so convenient, that about sums up my feelings about Facebook.

Text messaging. Teenagers, Adolescents, kids, w/e we all do it. If you're in a fucking loud crowd, in class, somewhere you can't talk, or whatever text message via your overpriced cellphone is the way to go. And the stereotype that everyone overly abbreviates when they text is not true. Most people get a limit on their text message (usually 160 characters). That's like a good two sentences. I use almost the full limit if I can. It's just habit. Bored? Text someone something stupid. Your professor spouting off about something retarded in their lecture? Slide out your phone under the desk and text someone. People do it in highschool too.

Another thing that really killed e-mail was instant messaging. about 51% use MSN, and the other 48% use AIM, and the other 1% use GoogleTalk (that's new) ICQ (gross) Yahoo (crappy interface) or maybe ichat or Trillian (Or whatever!). AOL instant messenger really started it all off though. AOL 3.0 was HUGE in getting dial up internet to everyone. Something that AOL 3.0 brought was giving everyone an AIM screen name. It was an indication that you were online, right there at the keys, ready to talk. Chatrooms galore, no waiting a day for a response. Instant messaging really was revolutionary for online, instant textual communication. It's e-mail with out the formality.

That brings me to why people still use e-mail. E-mail is purely used nowadays as a form of formal communication. Take University e-mails for example. The only reason I check my e-mail whenever I get the chance is to maybe catch something important from the countless spam mails that I get bearing U of M tags. My e-mail account is primarily and indicator of what I should look at and also a spamfest for Ads(looool). All the doctors / uptight professors make properly formatted e-mails for the stupidest shit. I know that's like their duty to appear "business like," but I really wouldn't mind just a simple one liner like this:

"I’ve just been looking at turnitin and it seems very few people have put their paper on there.

No T, no grade.

Regards,

Dr. Caffrey"

Short, simple, to the point.

People do need to stay with what interests people though. People get bored (and this doesn't apply to the supposed "generation" of people that avidly use Facebook and Textmessages). You old fogies that still cling on to the old days of chain e-mail need to move on. I did that shit too when I was like 9.... Doesn't mean that I didn't adapt to when people started something else. I didn't start on Myspace til I was a sophomore in Highschool.

Quote:
"It's not hard to imagine a future communications command center where, on a single screen, you'll be able to choose between sending an e-mail, instant message, status note, or blog post—or sending all of them at once—and then have all those bits of text neatly and securely archived. Once that happens, nostalgic e-mailers like me won't have to feel like dinosaurs."

Google already has something like this. Google really does get ahead of everyone on the internet. They've combine Google Accounts, which is a combination of:
G-mail
Blogger
Google Talk (Instant Messaging AND Voice chat, soon to have video chat)
etc. etc. etc.

So, to use more internet lingo (lol) to tell the author of this article what he / she should do: QQ more. Please, cry more. Rather than feeling like a dinosaur, just adapt. Habits evolve, so get used to it.

Old news is Old

2007-11-15T13:25:00.000-06:00

Buddy You're Sort of Behind!

This article from slate obviously interested me because I've played and beaten the particular game he's talking about. I'm not out on some self righteous spree to correct everyone's mistakes (ok maybe I am), but this dudes WRONG!

Click this, it's relevant to what I'm talking about, and funny. Lex Luthor points out everything that's wrong!

WRONG

Hehe, well the author claims that this version of Super Mario Brothers hasn't been available to the U.S. for 20 years. Not true. I played this game when I was five years old. I beat it too, because I don't forget video games. And yes, I played a stupid amount of video games when I was that young (more patience to put up with the bullshit). It came to the U.S. approximately 14 years ago in 1993 with a compilation version called "Super Mario All Stars."

Wikipedia: Super Mario All Stars

Anyways, the guy claims that he didn't have access to this shit for 20 years. WRONG.

WRONG WRONG WRONG.

Yeah, I'm real childish, I know. But the fact is he was basically complaining about how the Lost Levels were deceiving. That was the point of the damn game. The creator Shigeru Miyamoto intended for the game to be especially hard. People that played the original ASKED for a sequel that was especially harder. If the author had done a fricken google search on it he could have at least played it off like he actually knew anything about the series of games. Of course there are a small bit of graphical differences to the SNES vs. the NES version of the Lost Levels, but the game play is basically the same.

But the author complaining that the game was too hard is just stupid. The version of Nintendo Power actually gave out a contest to see who could beat the notorious ninth level without cheating (using the pipes at the end of the level to skip). It's almost literally impossible. But there were people that avidly took up the challenge! Woulda been nice if the author acknowledged some of that stuff about the game, rather than pointing out its fallacies. Some of the only real easy ways to beat the levels is by employing the use of several of the games glitches. I won't go into that, but I wish people would research a bit more into stuff they aren't truly familiar with.

Quote:

"Wikipedia (which I trust on all video game matters) says the game, released in Japan in 1986, was originally called Sūpā Mario Burazāzu 2. Considered too difficult, too weird, or maybe too Japanese for American gamers—in Steven L. Kent's The Ultimate History of Video Games, a Nintendo executive suggests that revered game designer Shigeru Miyamoto might have been "depressed at the time"—Nintendo shelved Miyamoto's game in North America and served our continent's kids a thin gruel alternative. The American version of Super Mario Bros. 2 is an odd duck of a sequel that isn't really reviled but also isn't really remembered at all."

This is just the icing on the cake for the whole article. He did actually search for info on the actual game. I don't see how he failed to read the part in the wikipedia article about it being including in a SNES version at the bottom of the page. Isn't like a journalist's job to be accurate?

He is right about one thing though. The American version of Super Mario Brothers 2 was stupid. You threw fucking vegetables around instead of the original gameplay. It's a version that no one particularly enjoyed or marveled in the fact that they beat it. It was EASY. And who the hell wanted to play as Toad? Not me. Although, playing as Peach did make it a helluva lot easier in some levels.

Overall, this guys just needs to have someone check up on his work. Read and confirm before you publish something. THEN read and confirm it again. Ask other people if you need too. Get people to agree with you. Check sources. Good stuff!

Earliest Childhood Memory

2007-11-15T13:20:00.000-06:00

I don’t have much that I remember from my early childhood, just a couple of random things here and there. I can say that they are real images that really stuck with my consciousness rather than slowly faded away. These memories will stay with me for the rest of my life, and I can’t particularly reason with myself why I remember the things that stuck in my mind. I can only relate and nod when I tell my dad about what I remember. But I really can’t be sure if I just formulated these ideas in my mind rather than just agreeing with what my parents have told me tidbits about as I was growing up. Am I really remembering true memories? Are these memories unscathed by the stories which were given to me by my parents and relatives? Truly, I can’t say whether or not I’m remembering images and events that I have buried in the recesses of my mind. But these are the vivid imageries of my early childhood.

I had a long discussion with my father about my early years, mainly when I was one to four before we moved from California to Tennessee. I wanted to make sure that I wasn’t formulating the images in my mind, even though I still have doubts that I am. I was born in Pasadena and lived there with my parents in an extremely small house until my sister was born about three years after I was born. After that time we moved to San Pedro to a condominium which was actually bigger than the house which we previously had owned.

This is where I have my first childhood memory. I don’t remember what I was wearing on the day we went into the empty condo, but I do remember that I was running around the house, and how everything looked so big to me due to the empty feeling of the condo. I remember vividly walking up to the sink in the kitchen, where I climbed up onto the counter to view what was inside of the sink. Since everything was closed I had to open up all the cabinets to find what sort of leftover treasures had been left behind by the people that I didn’t even imagine had lived here before us. As far as I was concerned at that age, we had always lived there. When I had finally pulled myself onto the counter, I realized that there was a simply wonderful spider web in the sink, with a large garden spider as bright yellow as the lemons that grew on the trees outside of the larger houses on the street. I also laughed at the gasp that my mother let forth when I showed her my proud discovery in our new house.

That’s the earliest memory I can simply fathom to think about. According to my father, I was three and a half years old, which seems almost strange to me that I could remember something so vague fifteen and a half years later. Why would I remember the new condo and why would I remember a spider in a sink? The meaning simply can’t escape my brain, but perhaps I’m not meant to know the implications why my mind refuses to go back any further than that of the condo and the spider. This moment of myself and my parents is something that my sister’s don’t share. It was the freedom of glee of having all the attention in the world focus on oneself as being an only child for three years. I was and still am the most spoiled of the three in my opinion. Maybe this is the last time I remember being without siblings, and at the same time the only memory I have from this early in my childhood. So just maybe, I was meant to hold on to at least one memory of being a child without siblings.

Another memory which apparently didn’t happen too long after the first memory I posed was that of a plastic play gym in our patio. I remember that I was particularly scared of the patio area. It was small and enclosed in between the zero lot line of the other condo adjacent to ours. There was never direct sunlight on the patio either, so it always seemed to be damp back there, or have a small puddle in the corner of the brick wall where the mud had been sucked under the foundation of the bricks. I wasn’t accompanied by my parents to this back patio area, simply because there just wasn’t enough room for a parent and a wild three year old going on four year old to play. It was just safe enough for me to be out there by myself while they watched me from inside doing some other task at hand in our condo.

The distinct part about this memory is that I don’t remember my mother. I only remember my father watching me through the screen door, pretending that he couldn’t see me through the transparent metal mesh. I was goofy and I pressed my lips and cheek up against the screen to make the small boxy markings on my skin. Even though my dad told me to stop doing it, he couldn’t help but laugh. But the reason I didn’t remember my mother is due to the fact that she was pregnant and sick most of the time with my oldest younger sister Megan. She made my mother especially sick in pregnancy so I didn’t really see her much when she was about nine months through the pregnancy. I suppose that had a bit of an impact on my early memories which really didn’t include my mother. She was a huge part of my life the, because I was her first child and she didn’t work. So this is the only reason why I place on why I don’t remember her until I remember the memories of moving away from California. It’s strange to not remember a person that spent so much time with you in the beginning of your life. But at the same time, the pregnancy makes so much sense now. I suppose that’s just how my memory is meant to be.

The last thing I can really remember is two turtles in a tank. I apparently had two turtles in a shallow fish aquarium in the wall in my room. My dad loved keeping fish and aquariums and I particularly like turtles due to the “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” cartoon. They were actually named after my two favorite characters from the show: Raphael, and Donatello. It’s really funny when I think about this memory. Just imagining having two turtles as pets makes me laugh a bit. How the hell would a kid of three years old be entertained with watching turtles run around in an aquarium? Who knows, but I suppose I was just that fascinated by the animals that the mere movement of them in the aquarium was enough to catch my fancy as a child from time to time.

Other than these memories listed here, I really can’t make a concrete memory that I can confirm actually happened with my father. I don’t really talk to my mother anymore, so I can’t get an opposing view of how things unfolded for myself as a child. I’d like to think these memories aren’t simply dreams that my mind wishes were true. But maybe that’s the fun of attempting to interpret why and how we remember these early memories. It’s much more than trying to keep something intact for ourselves from our early years. Remembering memories is more about keeping our wandering minds entertained and occupied with the fact that we’ve been living much longer than we like to appreciate. I think that everyone really just lets their minds wander when they remember bits and pieces of their earliest memories.

Family Ritual

2007-11-15T13:18:00.000-06:00

My family ritual didn’t really seem like a ritual to me growing up. It was just something that we normally did together as a family; never deviating from it. As a child, I thought that other families were weird because they didn’t participate in our family ritual. Thinking back on it now, I realize that what my family did together every night really was something unique. It was something that most other families truly don’t do every night of the year. Every night, my family would sit down to a home cooked meal that usually took about an hour and a half to prepare and eat together around the generally time period of five to seven o’clock. Either my Mother or my Father cooked it and they alternated on who cooked. Nights where we didn’t eat together were rare, and nights where we ate out or ate something with little or no preparation were also rare.

What was weird about eating dinner as a family every night was that we always talked about whatever it was that happened during the day. We had good communication and we were pretty open about everything. Dinner lasted about a half an hour at least after the food was set upon the table and served. We’d tell our parents what we did during that day at school and they’d reciprocate by either telling us what went on at work or at the house (in my mother’s case). Nothing was too racy or bad to talk about at the dinner table because after dinner we really just lazed around and relaxed before bed time; so dinner was specifically reserved for getting talking issues out in the open. My sisters and I weren’t allowed to excuse ourselves unless we asked. But generally my parents weren’t that strict about eating. You ate your fill and threw away what you couldn’t finish or didn’t like.

As kids, we were introduced to many different types of good home cooked meals, so we didn’t have that many picky tendencies towards food for a while. I remember that I was a little asshole from the age of about seven to ten when it came to eating. One day I found some gristle in a hamburger that my dad had grilled. I had eating and chewed on gristle many times before, but that I was particularly grossed out. It had a lasting effect on me for basically three years, since I was probably one of the most picky children you’ll every meet. I basically ate no meat, seafood, or fish. All meat just seemed to gross me out; especially meat like steak and pork chops since they contained a large amount of fat attached to the chops and slices.

My mom always had to try to get me to eat some meat though, try as she must. Every day was like an experiment with the meat to somehow get Julian to eat the meat. But, after what seemed like several hundred attempts I think my parents gave up trying to persuade me to eat meat. One time my dad, who is a nutritionist, said that my bones would all break if I didn’t eat meat. Even this horrible image of my body just collapsing from lack of a bone structure didn’t scare me into eating meat. It was just too repulsive to even think about accidentally chewing on the gristle. Luckily that phase wore off when my father and mother went through financial trouble during eighth grade. The meals became a little bit less lavish due to the lack of groceries, so a good pork chop for dinner was welcomed even by me.

Another big part of the ritual during the dinner table was to see who could make the family laugh the most. It didn’t have to be a joke or something rude or just plain gross. The thing that made everyone laugh just had to be purely made in good humor that wasn’t offensive. This was like an understood rule as well as a continuous dinner time cycle. We ate and then made our jokes as we picked at the remnants of dinner. Perhaps the most enjoyable joke was the burp contest. Usually we didn’t drink soft drinks for dinner, because they’re unhealthy. So, when we’d order pizza or take out once every couple weeks, we’d deviate a bit and drink Coke or Sprite. Obviously, since our stomachs weren’t generally accustomed to drinking soft drinks we burped a lot after we finished eating. It was sort of an unintentional ritual at our family dinners. The funny part about it is that my mother started it, and she was probably the most “well mannered” blonde you could ever run into at that point in my life. Her burps were so loud that we joked she’d shatter the windows one day. No one, not even my dad could out do my mother’s voluptuous burps. Another funny element to this crude contest was the fact that we still did it when my sister’s or I brought over friends. In fact they were even encouraged to participate. My mom always jokingly said after she ripped an especially loud burp in front of my friends, “Oh, Lee is going to go home and tell Mrs. Rebecca (his mom) that Mrs. Lisa (my mom) burps at the dinner table.” However, we never played that game at dinners where we weren’t eating take out or a non prepared meal. That’s what made the burping contest at the dinner table special I suppose.

The whole experience of eating together as a family practically every night of the year didn’t make me grow tired of my family growing up. It was seen as the normal thing to do, and almost a sign that the day had ended well with another family meeting and good family discussion or burping contest. I don’t think I truly realized that what we had was special until when my parents divorced the last part of my eighth grade year. That really made a lasting impression on me growing from a child to a teenager. It made me almost sad when the weeks began piling on when we didn’t eat at the table any longer due to the fact that my parents didn’t live with each other any more. It’s really hard for a kid to break the tradition so suddenly and I’m truly sorry for my youngest sister not being able to remember or experience it firsthand. But, at least I have my youthful images of family dinners. I can’t expect the same ritual of myself if I ever decide to have a family. Who knows? Maybe I’ll end up cooking every night when I finally reach that stage of adulthood out of sheer boredom. I can’t wait to see what my family ritual is whether I have a family of four, or just my wife and I. Or maybe just someone I'd love to live with the rest of my life. I hate being alone, so maybe I don't need to get married to be happy.

So U of M Registration....

2007-11-14T18:15:00.000-06:00

Yeah, so I was all excited about registering early today. I was having a splendid morning, and had felt great due to an extra hour of sleep. But, as soon as I logged on to my laptop with all the CRN(s) for my classes next semester, I see a daunting message:

"Stop You may not add or drop classes due to holds on your record."

Woohoo!!! That really pissed me off, needless to say. So, I go to the next link [View Holds]. Apparently there's a hold on my account due to the draft registration!!!????. So now I'm even more pissed off. I have a good reason for being angry for several reasons.

A.) I'm not even eighteen yet. As of 11/17/2007 I will be eighteen years old. That is this coming Saturday (woohoo! legal). But BY LAW I'm not required to complete the selective service form UNTIL the date of my birth. That's according to the damn site.

B.) My adviser said nothing. I really think that my advisers have something against me. The first one belittled me because I made a less than average math ACT score. Screw him right? The second one who's the head of the Biology Department for advisement didn't even tell me that I had a hold on my account. How am I supposed to know if there's no e-mail, no notification whatsoever telling me in advance that I have holds? I shouldn't have even had a hold on my account until after Spring semester according to one admissions lady I talked on the phone with. Some better indication would have been nice IN ADVANCE. There's the key word: "ADVANCE." Maybe if people would give me any sort of indication I would have registered for selective service a month ago so I had the stupid registration card that they send you in the snail mail. Good stuff ya know?

C.) No one gives a shit. Really, everyone I talked to on the phone and in person really doesn't give a shit. Even though the admissions people that I spoke to admitted that they were wrong in putting a hold on me due to the date of my birth, it wasn't in their interest to right their wrong by taking the hold, OFF my account. I even went to the admissions office and signed some stupid form with my SSN, date of birth, and a signed statement that I had indeed signed up for selective service today (even though by law I don't have to). Granted, I have early registration (like everyone in this class should have) so I hopefully won't be barred from classes that I want due to them filling up. Sometimes I wonder about this university though. They really should refine issues such as this before subjecting faulty systems to their students and faculty. And when you know you're wrong about something, isn't it in your best interest to fix the issue rather than lying and say you will fix the issue?

Quote at around one o'clock today from the Admissions Secretary to all the Admissions advisers: "Oh your hold will be taken off today if you give me that statement. You're not eighteen so this shouldn't have been a problem."

So, it's almost seven hours later and I still have the hold on my account. I don't care if I have early registration and my classes aren't filled up yet. I just want a truthful statement out of someone when I ask. I want at least a bit of warning before I run into roadblocks like this. Just wonderful stuff right here. Wonderful Wonderful Wonderful.

New Shoes

2007-11-13T14:57:00.000-06:00

So yeah, I bought new shoes. They're nice I'd have to say. Probably the most comfortable shoes I've ever bought! I can't say that I've ever been this excited about buying an article of clothing before o_o.....

They're these brown leather suede Pumas and they were like 65 dollars... Yeah that's really expensive. But I figured that they'd last for at least a year and they fit well. I have like really flat feet so it's hard to find anything besides New Balance or just some Birkenstocks that actually fit. I have a hard time finding a shoe that's truly comfortable because there's several things wrong with my feet. It's awesome ya know :P.

I find that most shoes are either too tight when they're the right length, or too short when they are the right length. That's due to the fact that I have a heel spur. I'd probably fit into a US men's size 9 or 9 1/2 if I didn't have a heel spur. But the heel spur add almost an inch to my shoe size. It protrudes that much <_<......

The fact that I actually like how these shoes look surprises me. They're sort of trendy looking. But unlike most trendy looking shoes they aren't made of cheap shit. They're all leather, and use tire rubber for the soles. Good quality stuff. So when I come across shoes that actually fit me well, are made well, and look good I pretty much have to buy them.

My younger sister claims I'm a metrosexual. But rather, I think I just like nice clothes (or shoes for that matter). Dressing half way decent isn't a crime is it? I'm not a fashion enthusiast, but I think I like to dress at least half way decent.

Likes Dislikes stuff. I'm really confused hehe

2007-11-13T14:39:00.000-06:00

Part 1

Hotel Rooms are like Fried Chicken.

The reason being is due to the fact that there isn't one damned motel / hotel in this city without the presence of a fast food restaurant that serves fried chicken within five miles of it. Even though I like staying in Hotels (like on vacation or something), the fake like appearance of the hotel room reminds me of the actual nastiness of a hotel room. Just like fried chicken. It tastes good at first, but after you eat it you regret it. I still like hotel rooms despite what sort of nasty ass person may have been inhabiting it before. So that's why I like hotel rooms, but hate fried chicken. They both share something hidden. One time we went on a vacation to Disney World and when I walked into the bathroom of our room there was a big floater waiting for me. Cool huh?

Part 2

All the things that I like truly fascinate me. I just have some sort of weird liking for a specific trait of all these things / items. I suppose if I was given the option of having one of these things, or doing one of these actions I could occupy myself for several hours on end. That's about the only thing I can associate with them as a group.

Part 3

Candy causes Naruto (or idiots that like Naruto)

Yes, stupid teenagers, adults, kids, and just overall retards eat a shit load of candy and then watch this over hyped overly dramatic Japanese Manga / Anime. These Naruto fans are on such a big sugar high that they're idiotic enough to actually enjoy this shit. Congratulations to whoever animated Naruto. You're probably making millions! But you owe it all to the candy companies that rot out people's teeth and dilute their brains enough to watch the shit that you put out. yay.

Ah ha! ?

2007-11-10T15:14:00.000-06:00

Well, in thinking about my Ah ha! moment, I guess I've never really had that big of an Ah ha! Just maybe some moments where I've realized something about myself, because there have definitely been a couple of instances of that manner. I can't really pinpoint any moments that have happened recently, but I can say that I have had some noticeable moments in the past. Of course the recent past includes happenings at my high school, which I hate writing about; I guess that'll have to suffice though.

I suppose at one point in high school I was one of the people that always had to be doing something to stand out from everyone else. I was doing literally everything jam packed into one schedule. Honors classes, AP classes, Swimming, Band, and other things. I think I had to prove to everyone that I was better than them because I was so involved (supposedly).

I think at one point I realized that this stuff wasn't all for me. I was always tired, always spread out. Even though I was enjoying doing some of these things, I realized that I wasn't having fun trying to be good at all of these activities all at once. It was literally burning out my self interest to do anything truly great with myself. I was completing everything in a mediocre fashion rather than an in an outstanding method.

At one point in time I was trying to make perfect grades. That didn't work out, so I then tried to be exceptional in my playing of the Flute in addition with all my other crap that I did. That also didn't work out. So then I tried my hand at becoming a competitive swimmer for the state competition. I actually made it to the Varsity Swimming, but then again I didn't place so well in the state tournament.

The thing was, that the school loved me for doing all this stuff. They gave me some HOBY leadership award crap to recognize me for not going insane while doing EVERYTHING at once. The fact was, that I wasn't sane. I wasn't happy doing everything. I just wanted to do things at my own pace, rather than expecting way too much outta myself.

I went to this conference in Nashville for the "Hugh O Brian Youth Leadership" Retreat to represent CBHS. This retreat was at some small private college on the outskirts of Nashville that the convention rented out for the weekend. It was basically a bunch of Sophomores going on Juniors that shared the same sort of experiences in their past two years of high school as I did. They were all from West Tennessee too.

The criteria for the people that went was simple. Pretty good grades; did either music, art, theater or something else; and did a sport. These were kids that the schools felt "truly" represented the student body as a whole. I didn't feel like I represented my school as a whole. I didn't make perfect grades or do exceptionally well in everything that I did. The only difference was that I did do almost everything the school offered.

It was a fun experience although I brought dressy clothes and the guidelines for the retreat called for "comfortable clothes." So I found myself trying to mix and match one set of "comfortable clothes" for Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. I had forgotten to bring toiletries too, so I had to borrow some stuff from my roomie from Millington High School. I guess what the retreat made many people feel like is that we deserved some sort of recognition for all the stuff we did do for our schools. But, I think everyone also unexpectedly realized that they didn't need to do everything at once to feel good about themselves. We just need to make ourselves happy. We need to show ourselves that being "me" doesn't necessarily mean that we have to being extremely active to be happy.

SO I guess that's my aha moment. I had realized that doing everything was unhealthy. I don't really play the Flute all that much anymore, and I don't do a sport. I focus on academics mainly. I'm completely happy with that. Maybe someday I'll pick up the Flute again as a hobby, or just for fun (purely for the enjoyment of myself). Maybe I'll continue to play Racquetball with friends as my sort of extracurricular sport, or maybe I'll swim for exercise! It's just for fun ya know.

My original Essay

2007-11-10T14:29:00.001-06:00

Rain and Trash Cans, Julian Poon

If you want my most recent blog go to the "Being Sick" post. Anything after this will be new.
This was the first essay for the series of three essays that I wrote

As the rain patters on my roof I wonder what it would be like to wander the streets until dawn as a true vagrant of society. What causes a person to become homeless, or so helpless in the squander or their own self pity that they lose sight of reality and the life they held before? Or does that person have some sort of interesting story or valid excuse to tell enlighten one why they’ve ended up wandering the streets with no place to call home. One man who frequents the street on which I live was walking by my tiny square foot of a front lawn; it just so happened that I was looking outside my front window when he was walking past in this most gloomy of stormy nights. In our Memphian bluff climate we experience an unusually cold night as the rain cools and swallows up every last drop of heat to be found in the sea of untended asphalt which we call a street. Obviously, the rain brings a masking coat of smell to the outside air so everything has a stale smell thus dulling our sense of smell. The old homeless man walks by two seemingly harmless cans of trash across from my yard on the other side of my neighborhood’s tiny avenue. Even though it is raining, the man stops suddenly as if destiny is beckoning him to open one of these cans. And I know full well what is contained in these ominous cans of masked stench. Dark lingering figures float in the foul smelling cloudy water of these trash cans. As the poor old man opens up the cans, a foul odor permeates the membranes of nostril’s memories. What happens next may either sicken you or cause you to laugh. The old man quickly realized his horrid mistake by opening the trash can. Oh I can only imagine his true horror when realizing the objects giving off this appalling aroma. What, might you ask was in this trash can? The answer my friend, is that that these two trash cans are filled with human feces.

Second Essay that I forgot to post

2007-11-10T14:25:00.000-06:00

Expansion Emily Pilkington's Essay (which is in turn an expansion on Sarah Lord's)

As we drove along through the drifting snow, I reminisced about our winter break spent in Florida. The trip was something that my friends and I had been planning for a very long time and our last year of high - school seemed like the perfect year for such a trip. I remembered the pearly white sand of Panama City Beach, especially the squeaking noise it made when your feet sunk into it. The enjoyably warm weather was the highlight of the trip, since the weather back home seems to always be at an extreme. I sat in the back seat feeling stiff due to the fact that there hadn’t been a rest stop for hours. Since I was the only one lame enough to not have a driver’s license I didn’t drive at all, even though I really would have enjoyed something to do during the sixteen hour drive. Even though my friend Brian was complaining as he usually did about driving, I would have gladly switched positions with him.

The road we were traveling on was strange. The main interstate was blocked due to construction, so we were routed to another road through the mountains, rather than around them. The scenery was enjoyable, but it was snowing pretty hard at this point which definitely put us on edge. Brian drove slow and cautiously to calm our nerves, and the heat was on full blast, creating a sort of toasty car. We tried everything to stay awake, but the seats, uncomfortable as they were, bade us to doze off in the blankets insulated by our own body heat. But suddenly something all caught our eye at the same time and caused us to be alarmed and awakened. Brian pulled into the huge driveway, and we stood to stare at this mansion of a house, and what looked to be the beginnings of a fire.

There didn’t seem to be anyone home, because the huge ten door garage had all of its doors open and empty. This was someone’s home, as extravagant as it appeared. Someone had invested a huge sum of money in his house, and we were standing here, watching as it began to burn in the midst of a blizzard. Even though the house was in danger, we stood there and watched, marveling at the sight of the flames stirring up the snow and rapidly melting the snow on the roof. One of my friends pulled out his cell - phone after the initial shock of watching the house burn down. No signal.
“Oh well,” he said “at least I tried.”
I couldn’t help but think about the horrible feeling about knowing that someone’s house is burning down, yet there’s nothing we can do to stop it. The house was in the middle of nowhere, and we hadn’t seen another building for literally two hours. Even though there was literally nothing we could do, we couldn’t help but wonder what would happen to the house. I felt horrible just thinking about the memories of the person, or family that owned the house. “At least no one got hurt,” I said in attempt to reason with myself. However, this didn’t seem like an adequate excuse.

I remember an incident involving a fire with my Aunt Polly and my Uncle Roland. They had just bought a new house in San Diego, near Legoland. This new house was considerably bigger, for the arrival of their second child, Eric. However, they didn’t have a lot of stuff to move. Just enough furniture to fill up a tiny two bedroom house with one bathroom in Pasadena. They had both gotten better paying jobs in San Diego, and moved there for the better school system for their two growing kids.
Everything was packed into one moving truck, one mid - sized truck with two large scruffy looking moves to drive the monstrous moving truck. This truck contained every physical possession that was valuable to them. Every single thing that was contained in their previous home. One little cigarette was all it took to burn everything they owned.
Unlucky enough for my Aunt and Uncle, one of the movers was a careless smoker. The man had probably taken one last drag on his cigarette and carelessly tossed it into their moving van, their memories, and then shut it as he and the other man drove for four hours to San Diego. Imagine the first thing you see when you drive up to your new home, your one moving truck containing all of your memories, clothes, furniture, and other countless things bursting into flames. The cigarette had not been put out properly, so it caught a moving blanket on fire and was sweltering in the closed truck the whole ride there. The instant fresh oxygen poured into the truck, everything burst into flames.
Nothing was saved from the truck. Not one baby picture from their daughter. Not one picture from their wedding. My Aunt’s wedding dress served as extra fuel for the fire. My Uncle Roland’s beloved baseball cards reduced to dust. The home video of their daughter’s first time walking melted. None of it survived. So when I see fire, I’m reminded of the destruction and deterioration it causes.
We continued to drive away from that horrible scene. The fire still growing in my mind, as it probably was inside the huge secluded house we had passed. But there was nothing I could do about it.

Essay That I forgot to post

2007-11-10T14:12:00.000-06:00

Chess and World War III Expansion on Navid's

Yes, we all remember the fateful day that Bobby Fischer conquered the Russian champion Boris Spassky. But, everyone also remembers the day after that stunning victory. Nobody fathomed that either nation was capable of utilizing such weapons of destruction. There was also no indication that something so trivial as a game of chess could spark such dire struggle between two world powers. This was the last straw for the Russians, and apparently it did matter.
Russian atomic bombs went off in Los Angeles, California the day after the match. There was no warning. At six o’clock in the morning the day after the chess tournament, despite all of the United State’s best efforts to set up defenses against possible Russian nuclear attacks, two nuclear bombs were dropped by advanced Russian jets. This attack spread panic like wildfire in the United States and the rest of the world. Would the United States fire back? Or would some sort of resolution fall from this horrible event?
Bombs are dropped in retaliation in what was Moscow, Russia. The destruction is devastating. Now the true fighting beings. Countries are split to the alliance of either Russia or the United States. Reluctantly, countries choose sides. It seems that the whole world is beset by chaos and nothing is real. Is this the apocalypse? Is everyone going to die? No one knows and whole societies and economies are halted.
Two years later, the bombing continues. Countries such as England, Japan, Italy, France, China, and many others fill the never ending list fall victim to atomic explosions. Newspapers are filled with the question: “Will peace ever come?” This is no world war where battles are fought among the valiance of hand to hand combat. Nuclear war means targeted destruction. Cities may crumble in literally seconds after the explosions. Landmarks cities in America such as Ney York City, Boston, Miami, and Chicago are not exceptions to the bombing. These cities my friend, they don’t exist anymore. All these places are now barren wastelands of death and deformity. Countries with large populations seem to fall victim to the widespread destruction of atomic bombing. Where is the point in this so called war?
Finally, after five years of continued bombings, all countries of the world send delegates to meet in England. Strangely enough, the once undesirable locations of England are now most desirable, and the meeting location is a sad representation of how the world now appears. We’ve turned into a species that lives underground rather than in the sunlight seeing how we’ve ruined the atmosphere. This damp and dismal bunker holds probably the single most important meeting for the future of our world. These men and women are tired of war and are almost willing to do anything to bring about resolve.
But Russia and the United States are still at odds with each other. The very bombs that have empowered their countries have also now impoverished them years later. The allies of both Russia and America urge them to seek some way, ANY way to bring about a halt to the bombing. Hours, days, and weeks go by and no agreement is met. Then finally, a delegate from Iceland, the place where that fateful chess match was played, had an idea: this devastation was caused by such a competitive game, so why not end it with the very same thing? Finally, agreement comes from the original aggressors. One chess match to solve everything. One winner, one loser.
Two men sit quietly in a small square room. Although it is cold, since they’re playing in Iceland, both of the men are sweating. Each move on the chess board is made with extreme caution. The Russian chess player can barely keep his hands from shaking as he moves his pieces around the board. The participant from the United States is equally nervous and even knocks over his queen by accident. Everyone in the world is watching or listening to the events unfolding in this chess match. It goes on for hours, with announcers from both sides almost grimacing with pain every time a piece is taken by the opponent. Finally the final moves are at play. Both players believe that they are at advantage, yet everyone observing the match watches in horror to see the unfolding of a draw. Yes, it’s apparent now. The game is a draw. What will happen now?

Being Sick, or Feeling Shitty in general.

2007-11-10T13:34:00.000-06:00

I know I'm not the only one that's been sick the past couple weeks, or even months. Everyone gets sick once in a while; even if "while" is a very long period of time (years even). But the fact is, people get sick sometimes. What sucks is that when one gets sick, you definitely weren't planning on getting sick in the first place. This creates tons of problems for our overly scheduled lives in which we just have crap to do every day.

This past week I was sick, or not feeling well enough to do stuff I'd normally do. However, I didn't miss class one day (believe it or not)! That being due to the fact that my first Tuesday and Thursday class was canceled and my second (and last) class on Thursday was canceled. The MWF classes had too much stuff that I just couldn't afford to miss. But has anyone else weighed what you might miss in a day in comparison to how sick you feel? I did that all week pretty much. But thankfully I had Tuesday and Thursday to back up for not missing class on MWF. I don't like the reasons why I had class cancellations (hope your daughter's feeling better Mrs. Sumner!), but it was well received since I was hacking up a storm.

I was talking to my doctor yesterday since I finally got a doctor's appointment and she said I had similar symptoms with everyone else that was coming in. Sore throat, mild fever, large amounts of drainage, enlarged tonsils, coughing, inflamed sinuses, etc.. But, no signs of a virus or bacteria that's causing all of this junk. It's almost disappointing to hear that from a doctor when your sinuses and ears are so filled up with body fluid that you can barely hear and think straight because of the pressure it's creating in your head. That means, no antibiotic or shot to make it all go away quickly. Just, "you'll get over it in another week or so with all this crap," as she hands me a prescription for: cough syrup, allergy pills, a new inhaler, a daily inhaler, and nasal spray. Great more junk for my body!

It's almost sickening to think about all the medicine that doctors give us to supposedly make us better. I take a daily inhaler called "Advair," a daily nasal spray called "Veramyst," and I have to use a lotion every time I take a shower for my eczema. Lots o' stuff. I just dread getting sick and having to take even more shit to get me back to normal. Sometimes I wonder if all this stuff even helps at all!

But I suppose that getting sick makes me realize that I can't always be on top of things in my life. There's always something that can come along and completely skew everything that I had planned. It's not just sickness, it's just the reality of what can and will happen to someone. That's why I'm not too bummed out about getting sick anymore, I'm just used to it happening around this time of year. My asthma mixed with a cold turns into a sinus problem, which may turn into the flu or pneumonia if I don't treat it with the stuff that I get from the stupid doctor. Even though I hate it, I deal with it cause it will continue to happen (cause life sucks sometimes)!

So, as I cough away while typing out this blog, just remember one thing. Even though you're under the weather and feeling like shit, you will eventually get over it. Just take things one step at a time to getting better. And don't expect yourself to perform top notch while you're being sick. Shit happens, and no one is perfect. I royally screwed my grade in Mandarin due to the fact that I didn't study as much as I usually would because I'm sick.

I got box office seats to Trans Siberian Orchestra though for December 20th!!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

Have a good weekend.

So I belly danced :O!

2007-11-06T12:59:00.000-06:00

For my UNHP class (which I usually HATE), I went to a lecture / demonstration about Middle Eastern Belly dance. I can say that I was skeptical about the lecture because we were told beforehand that we were going to be doing some belly dancing. I'm not good at dancing by any means, but I can say that I truly enjoyed myself during this lecture. The information was particularly helpful, seeing how the professor just took the information from the readings and summarized it (as usual), but that's to be expected. However, the professor of dance (I think she was a professor) named, "Jasmine," did a really good job presenting the style of dance to our humongous class.

You can just imagine about one hundred people sitting on the opposite side of a large dance studio. Everyone was sitting down, looking very uncomfortable. Dance studios really aren't made for sitting! They're made for movement and participation! Even though everyone was really uncomfortable about dancing in the first place, I can truly say that everyone was generally pleased about getting up and participating in a simple belly dance after sitting down cramped for half an hour.

The funniest part about us having to get up is that the guys danced first. And holy shit, some people should have worn socks. The foot odor was pretty dangerous to say the least. I think I heard one guy next to me remark, "taking our shoes off might get a bit dangerous." I'm glad I wore socks lol. The first steps were very basic, just including a couple of steps and then a kick here and there. Then we progressed into a sort of a bounce centered on one leg and moving our bodies a bit more. After moving back to the left side of the room with the bouncing, we were coerced to spin around moving our butts around. That got several laughs from the female audience who was still sitting down watching as some of the guys being forced to dance tripped over other people. However, even though the dancing was awkward, I found it pretty enjoyable to be able to move around after a boring lecture. I'd much rather dance around like an idiot than sit in an auditorium class (XD)!

One aspect of the whole experience (which many people may not believe) is that the girls were more awkward about getting up and dancing than the guys were. At one point for both the men and women, the people who stood in the back of the room were forced to switch positions with the people standing in the front of the room. They guys came up quickly with a small bit of reluctance. But, the women who were asked to do this did it with extreme reluctance ! haha I really wasn't expecting a bunch of college guys to be more open to moving their unkempt bodies than women! Interesting experiment overall I have to say.

Even though it's generally seen as taboo for men to dance in that style, I think it was refreshing to prove that not all men feel so awkward about doing stuff like that. When you're with a huge group of people that really don't care about the possibility of embarrassing themselves around people that they see every day on campus, it's not a big deal.

I think that's actually the professor Jasmine doing that, not sure though.
ASIAN PEOPLE BELLY DANCING! LOLOLOLOL

Real ID

2007-11-02T18:08:00.000-05:00

Google Real ID right now and read up on it. The fact is, it's bullllshitttt.

"After December 31, 2009, 'a Federal agency may not accept, for any official purpose, a driver's license or identification card issued by a state to any person unless the state is meeting the requirements' specified in the Real ID Act. States remain free to also issue non-complying licenses and IDs, so long as these have a unique design and a clear statement that they cannot be accepted for any Federal identification purpose."

First of all... What the hell is wrong with State IDs. They have way more than enough information than needed on them. Hell, I don't even want to put my social security number on that thing. It's an invasion of privacy in the first place. The fact that the government implemented this national ID for the purpose of safeguarding against terrorism is retarded. There is no terrorist threat, and there never was. People need to start realizing that 9/11 wasn't some Al'Quaida (sp?) conspiracy against the United States. The scare is over. Iraq doesn't house terrorists. It's fucking over, and the government needs to stop acting like the country could be attacked by sleeper cell terrorist organizations.

The huge issue I see here, is how the hell are you going to change literally millions of people's ID's before 2009? That's going to be impossible for some states like California, Arizona, Texas, New York, etc etc etc.... Even if you jam packed the maximum amount of people in every DMV within sight for the next couple years, you still wouldn't be able to realistically make a Real ID for everyone in the United States in some areas. It's just not feasible. This is something that would take literally decades to complete for some states. The fact that we even need to nationalize ID is stupid. The next thing you know, the government is going to strip states of their rights and dissolve statehood. That'd be nice wouldn't it?

I can understand the National Government wanting to standardize some things, but ID definitely doesn't seem like one of them at this current point and time. And if they're going to impose such a new and radical change to the way we run our country, it should take decades of implementing it into state procedure rather than expecting every state to do it on an equal time schedule.

University Honors Program aka UNHP

2007-11-01T13:14:00.000-05:00

I'm seriously tired of this class. The whole theme of the class is to take a "mindful" approach to the "global" scene. When I say a "mindful" approach, I mean a thoughtful agreement or argument towards whatever is being discussed. However, I tend to disagree with the section professor on many issues because I don't think she's taking a mindful approach to this bullshit. We're talking about real issues and whatnot, but she approaches them with one sided views from articles we're subjected to read because we're forced to take this class for "honors requirement." Sadly, most other universities won't even accept this class as an honor credit, much less a humanities credit. Basically I'm saying that my professor generally contradicts the very fundamentals of the class.

Of course, when you take an opinion to something, you always lean to one side of an issue whether your like it or not. I think that when you're taking a mindful approach, it's simply impossible to take a firm stand about something. I'd even say that taking a mindful approach means you simply cannot make up a firm decision about how you feel about an issue. There's always new and conflicting information about shit, so you can never mindfully say that you have made up your mind about something. (Bleh) I guess what I'm trying to say is that this class is training its students to be fucking ambivalent. We constantly switch our opinion one way or the other. There's no set "this is bad, this is good," which is fine. But I'm getting tired of it quite frankly.

I guess I'm even contradicting myself now. I want a firm opinion of how I should think about something, but at the same time I'm supposed to take a mindful approach, and respect everyone else's opinion because they also have merit. Fuck it, so who the fuck has the capacity to make a true and mindful decision about any controversial matter? No one. Everyone has something wrong with their decision (in my opinion). I might even be wrong in saying that. But it's just so frustrating to sit in a class with a teacher that believes that the issues we're discussing have one right side to them. The issues we're talking about are evolving, as should the methods used to explore them.

If I haven't completely confused you by now, congratulations. I'm confused too, because I can't ever get a straight answer out of this woman or much more, any of the professors in this class. If they really want us to think about these issues, they should give us conflicting articles, rather than articles supporting their ideas and feelings about the issues we're discussing. That would be taking a mindful approach, even if the conflicting articles swayed someone to think differently from themselves. The point is to train us students to develop educated methods for interpreting global issues. But really, they're trying to influence to think like pessimists. EVERYTHING has shit wrong with it, and I'm not inclined to point it out to myself all the time. If I went through and looked at how much information is being blocked from myself by ABC, NBC, CNN, The BBC, NPR, Newspapers, TBS, etc. etc. etc. I'd get sick to my stomach. The only thing I've gotten out of this class is that I now take everyone's opinion on "global matters" with a grain of salt. I can either ignore everything, or truly make a self informed decision about what these media companies are doing with the news they're reporting. I'd rather watch than not watch.

You know, what if people just stopped believing everything they heard on the damn news, or in the damn newspaper. What if, there was no such thing as advertisement, and billions of dollars of GREED at stake for people in control of such companies. What if I didn't give a damn about all this bad stuff that goes on in the world? What if, I was some mindless drone that went about my life not knowing what to believe about anything? Who knows.

Russian National Anthem vs. The American National Anthem

2007-10-30T18:16:00.000-05:00

American
Russian (Scroll to the bottom of the page)

Okay so I ran into the Russian National Anthem on Monday via a Flash Cartoon. I have to say I was really captured by it. It sounds beautiful and the score for the song is absolutely amazing. I even think the Russian National anthem sounds more beautiful than the American one (Please don't tag me FBI)... I'm not un-patriotic or anything. The American National Anthem just sounds really plain to me. However the Russian one has this beautiful score and what not, it just flows better it seems.

This really doesn't count as a full blog entry, but I just wanted to point it out and see what other people had to say about it.

Halloween!

2007-10-30T15:23:00.000-05:00

Well tomorrow it's Halloween once again, and I can't help but remember Halloweens from my past. See, I used to live in Covington, aka hick capital of Tennessee, and even though I realized that I hated it there I can say that Halloween was badass.

EVERYONE hands out candy in Covington. Doesn't matter what house you are, how grumpy you are. Everyone hands out candy. Everyone pretty much knows everyone in their neighborhoods too, so it's pretty much a community wide social event. The candy was always "the good stuff," sometimes people gave out full size candy bars. You could get a good four pound bag of candy from a good Halloween in Covington depending on whether or not you were willing to walk that long.

People get really into the decorations too. Some houses are almost over decorated! The best house was this couple that really liked Kiss for some reason. They both dressed up as band members, and their garage was turned into this Kiss concert stage, with lights, an amazing sound system, and like old music videos playing on TVs. The funny thing was that they were a fairly active religious couple, in their early forties probably. So it was strange for my friend Preston who went to church with them. Seeing them go from some quiet couple in church to Kiss fanatics on Halloween was probably pretty awesome.

The highlight of Halloween in Covington, has to be the pranks. You see, there really isn't much to do in Covington in the first place, so naturally people have to improvise. Pranks are one such improvisation which include rolling, prank door bell ringing, scaring the shit out of people, and the classic shit in the bag at the doorstep. Yes, I participated in that. One thing I never did was streak across a street full of unsuspecting mothers and young kids. (yeah, people did that) The biggest and best prank was definitely rolling someone's house. EVERYONE had trees in their yard, or something worth rolling. So after Halloween there's usually countless houses who's trees have been laden with those glorious white sheets of paper. Sometimes we even spelled out Happy Halloween in people's lawn if the opportunity presented itself. But, probably the best prank you could pull off (with toilet paper) was rolling someone's car. This usually required a quick escape route, so PARENTS actually participated in the rolling of someone's car (which was always someone you knew really well). I can say, it's a BITCH to get fifteen rolls of toilet paper unwrapped from your car.

The best part about the rolling, is that no one reported it as vandalism. Cop's houses even got rolled, and one of my younger friend's dad was a cop, and helped us roll a neighbor's huge willow tree (willow trees are hard to roll by the way).

But yeah, there's a look into my past about Halloween. You could place a hick stereotype on it, but it was fun. Tell me that you wouldn't have done it if you knew you could get away from it hehe..

Memphis got more bad publicity! Sweet!

2007-10-29T22:47:00.000-05:00

MEMPHIS IS FULL OF FAT PEOPLE, WE HAVE BAD HEALTH, WHAT ? THIS IS NEWS?

Honestly, this doesn't surprise me. Overall, there isn't a whole bunch of stuff to do in Memphis. Hell, the weather doesn't usually present the reason to even get outside in the first place. We sit around usually, not taking a lot of time on our feet. The only reason we're on our feet is to get from point A to point B. Any other time is spent doing whatever it is in this city to entertain yourself.

The article does make an interesting point though. Our city is set up for walking, at all. The places where it would be pleasant to take a walk or jog or whatever is mostly rural. People just need a damn reason to get outside, which there isn't really in Memphis. We have all of like two major parks. Most of the other parks are in such bad shape that barely anyone utilizes them. The metropolitan areas of Memphis don't favor street traffic. Sidewalks aren't kept up, the whole city isn't really kept up that well. Why? No interest lol....

This city could be so much better, it's just that no one gives a damn. I can tell you one thing though, our eating habits aren't going to change any time soon. Everyone eats so much nasty unhealthy shit around here, and I'd even say that the majority of people can't cook worth a damn either. It's the truth.

I don't really have the inspiration to do anything about Memphis' overall image. It's not worth it to me personally. I'm in love with the West Coast since my family lives out there. But generally opinion from the group of people I talk to, is that they all want to get out of Memphis. Things aren't getting better, so it's off to a better situation for me at least, hopefully during junior year. The city government might wanna get on the ball with making people want to stay in Memphis; right now it's a bunch of white flight, bad images, bad labels, and other crap to make people stay away.

The general attitude is that people don't care. There's no group effort. People with money enclose themselves together and sanction off their living spaces to keep non wealthy people at a distance. Poor people remain in extremely poor conditions. If you don't believe me, go drive out to Frayser some time, or the Raleigh area. Raleigh was the fucking Wolfchase of Memphis ten years ago. Everyone from Tipton county drove an hour to Memphis to go spend their money in Raleigh eating, shopping, and watching movies. Now, it's a bunch of empty buildings with unkempt housing and white flight. It's true. I'm just wondering when that'll happen with the Wolfchase area on the edge of Bartlett.

To be continued... if you're planning on staying in Memphis for the next ten years...

Weekends

2007-10-27T16:45:00.000-05:00

Well, I'm sitting here with not much to do at the moment. I'm just sort of sitting in my room trying to stay warm because the heater's broken. Always seems like something is broken in this duplex (hehe). But I've been thinking about how I like to waste my weekends away by sitting around in the house. It's not bad or anything, I usually get a lot of work done and what not. Still, I wonder what weekends would be like if I got up before 11:00 o'clock and actually gave a damn about I was going to do all day. It seems that I never get out until later if out at all.

One thing I notice is that the train goes by about 15 times in a day on average. Don't quote me on that, but that's what I've noticed. I like to just listen to stuff outside occasionally. Today I was so bored that I just stepped outside on the porch to just listen to the various sounds. The outside always gives off a roar of machinery, like I can't escape this constant rumble of some sort of car going by or an airplane overhead. It's really chilly outside and the air is very light so there's no lingering stench from the trashcans (<_<). Another thing I've noticed is that the usually loud birds fighting in back of the duplex lot have disappeared, probably due to the cold. There isn't silence anywhere. I can't even escape the tiniest noise in my house. Have you ever actually tried to be in the absence of sound? It's truly an eerie feeling that most people don't really know they're missing. Go into a closet or something with a lot of clothes and cover the opening at the bottom of the door with a jacket or something. Of course it will be claustrophobic and dark, but try and forget that to notice the quietness of that space. The only reason I'm writing about this is due to the fact that I was hanging up clean clothes in my closet, and I was really bored. Just try it and see how it is if you get the urge though lol...

I find myself taking frequent naps when I just can't find anything else to do. It's sort of a catchup on sleep even though that doesn't work. No matter how much extra sleep I get on the weekend I'm still just as tired during the following week. Anyways, just my thoughts for the day.

/signoff

Global Warming???

2007-10-24T20:39:00.000-05:00

Ok, I know everyone is sick of Global Warming by now. I sure the hell am. But when is there going to be hard proof that the period in history in which we live now has a drastically different climate than previous centuries? Maybe the globe is just experiencing a warmer climate change that naturally occurs, so we have to ride through the rough changes that come with that.

The issue still stands that I'm not convinced that Global Warming is caused solely by the increase in emissions by our technological advances in the past century. There have been periods in which the world succumbs to an ICE AGE, well can't the world climate also change to a period of a warmer climate? If we were going through an ice age right now would there be this huge conspiracy about how everything human beings are doing causes global cooling?

Think about it. Before an ice age was over, I'm sure the North and South poles had a huge land mass. When the earth started warming up overall, I'm sure the North and South polar regions lost landmass. So when the earth goes through a warming trend, the North and South poles will naturally lose landmass. Sure, a few polar bears are gonna die. Life sucks man.

You could say that the earth getting a bit warmer would even be a good thing for some countries. I'm sure that people in Northern China and Russia would love for it to get a bit warmer. They'd have a longer growing season, and could probably raise more crops. I bet the earth getting warmer would save more lives than it would take. I'm all for the earth getting warmer.

We've blamed every recent natural disaster on global warming in the past decade. Hurricane Katrina, the Tsunami in Thailand and Indonesia, and now even the fucking fire in Southern California. There was a ten minute segment with Brian Williams on NBC explaining that global warming was the cause of the brush fires. Has he never stopped to think that maybe that area is really really overdeveloped? It's a desert climate out there, it's SUPPOSED to be dry and it always will be dry. When a fire starts unnaturally in a desert like climate filled with dry plants, I'm pretty sure you have a big fucking problem. What if people just didn't live in a goddamn desert and pack literally hundreds of expensive neighborhoods together. I feel extremely sorry for the people whose houses were burned down. I have family that got evacuated and had a house that was in danger of the fire. But they sure as hell agree with me by the fact that the whole area over there is way too populated. It's the same thing as the houses in Mississippi and Florida and Louisiana that were built RIGHT on the beach. Beaches aren't safe places to build expensive homes. Water moves sometimes, and sometimes in drastic ways. I sure as hell wouldn't build my dream home on a beach. It's stupid.

My point is, everyone is out to make a big deal of every bad natural disaster that happens in this world. The fact is, SHIT happens. Sometimes it's our fault. A lot of the time, however, it's not our fault. We just need to accept the fact that the world might be getting a little bit warmer, so people will have to adjust to that climate. Sure, we should cut down on unnatural emissions and even how we recycle our waste. But that's not the contributing factor to this so called "global warming." Shit, I wish it was warm right now. It's gonna be 54 degrees tomorrow as the high. That's not cold compared to other sub zero degree temperature, but it sure isn't comfortable.

Cuban Bloggers, and the Internet

2007-10-23T15:06:00.000-05:00

Another country I haven't really heard about in a while is Cuba. It's strange, since Cuba is so close to the United States. With Castro's decline in power there really hasn't been any widespread media on what's going on over there. This is the first article I've read revealing any sort of information on the real people of Cuba. Real people that have opinions and ideas about what happens in the world and are denied open access to the world with tools readily available at their fingertips. China and other Asian countries aren't the only place in the world where the true opinion of the public is censored and crushed by truly oppressive government regime.

One of the things that stood out to me in the article was that Cubans are taking great risks and spending quite a bit of money to write opinionated blogs or even just informative blogs about what's going on in Cuba through the writings of people not censored by the government. Another coincidence is that most of the blogs listed within this article were links to .blogspot sites! Yes, that means Cubans are using the same blog site as you, but they aren't compelled by the issue of getting a bad grade is a freshman English class. Rather, these people spend about six bucks an HOUR just to type a blog often only once every couple of weeks. One thing to note about the pricing of using their internet is that most Cubans only make about six dollars a week...(all of this information is taken directly from the article).

[I went off on a rant here sorry :( ]

This week my UNHP lecture dealt with the issue of international media companies controlling media on the internet, and the issue of free press. The big deal is that these companies are corrupting the ideals of developing countries (supposedly). That is really debatable. But one thing I think that these professors fail to realize about global media companies is that they're spreading the internet around. The internet has to be one of the greatest tools ever invented for people to get their thoughts around and express their thoughts almost uncensored.

Even though Google and Yahoo have been in constant scrutiny of the United State's Government they've successfully provided China with an internet infrastructure. That doesn't mean I condone Yahoo releasing the the Chinese guy's information to the government, but eventually I think the people of China will accomplish great feats with the internet as a tool to spread their opinion. There are flaws with any new thing introduced, and truly nothing is perfect. But I'd like to dream of an internet as a battleground for thought. People will find a way to spread their ideas and overthrow oppressive sanctions. I think the Republic of China is gonna get fucked by the internet eventually.

I suppose I haven't thought about the great privilege I have withing my grasp at all times. There are literally millions of people who would risk their safety to simply put up one blog post a month or even a year to get their thoughts out into the world. The internet is an unappreciated privilege here in America, and we take for granted the fact that many other people in the world lack the tool that we so readily use for almost everything nowadays. I almost feel ashamed that I've neglected to keep up the slack with these blogs, rather I should be doing more than expected with more thought and more feeling attached. People in Cuba and China and Burma and everywhere else in the world are blogging with passion. So when you write a blog tomorrow or tonight or even in a week, consider that you're making a small difference to someone reading your thoughts. Even though it's a very small difference, just changing the thought of one other person may be the biggest difference in the world.

The very fact that I stumbled upon this yahoo article was a coincidence. I was originally reading an essay Fidel Castro wrote about how George Bush was going to start World War Three (very interesting by the way, although it's truth is up for debate hehe), and I found the link for Cuban Bloggers at the bottom of the page. Even if you have qualms against finding news on the internet, even if this article isn't true, I'd rather like to believe that there are real people in the world that are struggling right now to get their beliefs across, even willing to be imprisoned for just the chance of writing their thoughts on the internet.

(another small rant)

I take pride in the fact that some uptight administrator at the University of Memphis may read this blog and want to squelch my opinion. They'll have a difficult time trying to silence me if I ever say something a bit to racy for my own good. Fuck censorship. If you wanna take a look at the blogs listed in the Yahoo article, here's all the links for your convenience. Oh how great the internet is.

http://www.desdecuba.com/generaciony
http://isla12pm.blogspot.com/
http://luisexto.blogia.com
http://munequitosrusos.blogspot.com
http://havanascity.blogspot.com

GO BLOG BITCHES!
hehe

Moscow!

2007-10-21T23:14:00.001-05:00

I went to a presentation concerning the nation of Russia today. Honestly, I didn’t know much about any sort of happenings in Russia, so this was a welcoming experience. I had some kind of preconceived notion that Russia is a poorly developed and economically fragile. The truth is I have no idea. Ask yourself this question: When was the last time you heard anything positive about Russia? For me, I really haven’t heard anything positive about Russia or (much less) ANYTHING about what’s going on with their 143.4 million count population. More specifically, I was enlightened on the future plans for Russia and about their President, Vladimir Putin.

First of all, the man presenting the information I’m going to talk about was definitely in favor of Putin and favorable relations with Russia’s government. After reading about Putin I can’t say that I agree with the guy wholeheartedly, but he has admittedly brought Russia out of an admittedly bad political, social, and economic position in the past several years of his presidency. Overall the I think he’s done a respectable job considering he was dealt a country that was in basic ruin after the fall of their preceding government.

The three most common words that I came across while browsing the current state of Russia on the internet were: Authoritarian, Militaristic, and Corrupt. There’s a lot of information and statistics thrown around about controlling oil prices, but I’m not going to interpret any of this right or wrong. The main point of Dr. Petro’s lecture was that “The West” has failed to realize “The Putin Plan.” Basically the Putin plan is split up into two pillars, which are the promotion of stable economic and legal growth in Russia. Although Dr. Petro skimmed over some controversial issues about Putin’s presidency, I think that he effectively swayed my thoughts on U.S. relations with Russia.

The first pillar of the Putin Plan (and the most important I think) rests on social issues in Russia. I a major cause of the collapse of the Soviet Union was due to social problems leading into political corruption. Thinking in this manner, it was wise for Putin to initiate the first part of his plan for the reconstruction of Russia on social issues. There was a lot of statistics thrown around in this part of the lecture, so I’ll only mention a few. To spark economic growth in Russia, Putin basically cut taxes all around. Most significantly, Putin removed a large tax on fuel and also a 14% flat tax on personal taxes for citizens. Putin also started the proper state regulation of tax amnesty. Essentially, Putin lowered the taxes on the general population, and began to tax those who were evading taxes (who really didn’t need to). This action supposedly stabilized state revenue since a large part of Russia‘s population is debt free.

The second pillar focused on synchronizing local and national law in Russia. Most of the statistics for this section were also pretty boring, so I’m not going to even bother to list them. All I can say is that Putin is seemingly cleaning up the local and national law in Russia, providing a more stable society.

I dunno what to believe about all this information about Russia’s economy. The guy was honestly a Putin ass kisser and didn’t have one bad thing to say about him or what’s been going down in Russia. I can’t make a decision on how I feel about Russia (I don’t know how I feel about the state of our own nation). I suppose Putin has done some decent things for Russia and put his country back on track towards a better future.

Mom N Pop

2007-10-11T13:39:00.000-05:00

When I walk into one of these stores I think, “what sort of people buy the junk in here?” Truly, the store isn’t there for these obscure items. But rather, the most noticeable items are always alcohol, cigarettes, and other items (most of which have an age limit). That’s the purpose for these stores. The other items are merely a distraction or an excuse to what the true intentions of who these stores are selling to and profiting from.

Since when did someone go into a convenience store for just a stick of gum? Some people do, but that’s not what these stores make money off of. The truth is that most people who frequent these stores are buying alcohol, cigarettes and pornographic magazines. You wouldn’t go to a grocery store to buy these types of items. In a supermarket like Target or Wal - Mart, you’re likely to run into people that you wouldn’t like to been seen by when purchasing these sort of things. No one wants to show off their vices. These stores thrive off that very aspect of people’s shame. There’s no way in hell that I believe a convenience store remains in business due to the sale of candy, chips, non - perishable grocery items, and non alcoholic beverages (this just doesn’t happen).

These are convenience stores in true form: They’re small and have limited items. However, all of these stores contain the same list of items. I truly don’t understand why they were called Mom N Pop stores in the first place. Rather, they should have been given the lengthy title, “Don’t be embarrassed to buy your shit here.” Ask yourself this question: If you’re going to buy a Playboy, a small quantity of alcohol (that wouldn’t require a liquor store), junk food, or a lottery ticket, would you go to Wal - Mart which offers the same sort of thing or the gas station store on the corner?

So that’s what I think these stores are. They’re simply an excuse and a mask for people. The sole purpose of a convenience store is to give an obscure environment where people can purchase negative things without being noticed. There’s nothing convenient about buying anything else in these stores. The common items like bread or milk are often overpriced and are usually of a strange selection.

The image of a convenience store that pops into my mind every time I hear the word is pretty straightforward. Shabby, dirty, unkempt, and cramped all come to mind. The shelves are lined with dusty junk and the counter where the clerk stands is dirty from the exchange of small amounts of cash. Clear door refrigerators are always contained in the back or to the side of the counter in plain view; they usually contain more alcoholic rather than non - alcoholic beverages. There’s also a plethora of disgusting overpriced frozen foods that may be defrosted and heated up in the food stained microwave, also conveniently provided. A brown stained industrial thermos with Styrofoam cups on hand is usually placed haphazardly on a counter. I could probably find watery coffee as stale as the appearance on the clerk’s face. Is this a stereotype? Yes, but unfortunately I find that most convenience stores fit this description.

I know this isn’t always the case with these stores. Sometimes I find myself quite surprised when we stop at an obscure gas station and find a clean store with interesting goods. But in reality, most convenience stores aren’t very well kept and don’t sell overall very desirable items. The only convenience of these stores is privacy and anonymity to the patron when purchasing something that is seen as negative in this society. A high school kid looking to score some booze would rather try his luck at a convenience store rather than a Kroger, or even think about trying to enter a liquor store. People trying to imitate the guys in Superbad would be sorely mistaken and promptly kicked out.

Now I’m sort of repeating myself. When I repeat myself, I say things that I wouldn’t usually voice or write for other people to read. But these stores are located in usually “bad” neighborhoods (the ones independently owned). When I say bad neighborhoods I am referring to places that are known for crime and sub standard housing. When I say sub standard housing, I mean houses that you wouldn’t want your dog living in. These are the kind of places from which convenience stores draw from. They’re almost part of the poor image of the places from which their located. Stores such as this make people from these places waste their money on supposed simple pleasures (specifically alcohol). Sure it’s the right of people to drink and eat what they want, but when places like convenience stores are making poor people feel less ashamed of drinking or developing alcoholic habits, I rather look down on the seller and the buyer. Convenience stores bring about the false realization for patrons who are buying into a false realization that they need these items.

The Rake, Scenes of Importance

2007-10-09T13:32:00.001-05:00

The funeral was the biggest thing that stood out to me. Realizing that your family had a history of abuse gives you a sort of reason for why it continues (even though you don’t perceive that as the direct reason at that given moment). The abuse was never resolved in the mother, so it carries on to the sister of the author. The grandfather is never dealt with, so he too continues to deal the abuse to the author’s sister. When the author reveals the mother’s background he’s making a statement with the effect that it was his parent’s fault.

The Rake, Thematic Issues

2007-10-09T13:31:00.000-05:00

The perception Mamet brings into the story reflecting and as an adult causes me to think about my childhood in the same way. I perceive things that happened in the past as having greater significance now than I did when it actually took place. Mamet is essentially remarking about his regret in the silence towards these issues even though they weren’t directly and physically happening to him, rather his sister.

This idea of perception ties in with silence and also the innocence of being a child. Mamet wished that he would have reacted differently than he did during his childhood. He even says, “one could have walked in the stubble of the cornfields… or enjoyed any of a number of pleasures naturally occurring.” Reading this, I believe that Mamet is making a realization that his childhood was indeed different and worse than it should or may have been. So eve though he didn’t openly oppose the horrible events of his childhood, with the perspective as an adult, he believes that his childhood could have been better or more natural if he had been less silent and more natural about the actions that took place.

The Rake, Imagery.

2007-10-09T13:15:00.000-05:00

The image of the cornfield and feeling of nowhere immediately captured my attention in this piece. The empty expanse of a cornfield reminds me about my early childhood growing up in the country. Just watching the corn and the cotton grow every season was an experience, but things also grew in opposition to my fields.

At first, the small suburb consisted of about thirty - five small houses. Simple another field of man made prowess in a detached area of Covington. We were right on the city / county line, so there was sewage rather than septic systems and running water rather than well water. My neighborhood seemed dwarfed by the huge trees and fields littered with grazing cows that expanded for an eternity. This natural beauty overpowered the unnatural location of a neighborhood like mine.

So the cornfields in the Mamet piece bring me back to the realization of what is now happening to the fields of my childhood. They’re being turned into muddy flats of land, and then transformed into what seems to be the ideal. That wonderful existence of nature will cease to be with the arrival of more people and the lust for land development.

Obesity

2007-10-08T18:25:00.000-05:00

Ok, so when I say the word "obese" or talk about obesity I'm referring to someone that has health issues because they're over weight. I don't have any qualms against how people want to live their lives or how they want to eat. But when someone whines about how they have back problems, or complains that they need to lose weight but they're munching on a Twinkie, what am I supposed to do? Sympathize with the fact that they're ingesting processed who knows what and becoming even MORE overweight?

The problem with people in this area is that they eat unhealthy and aren't willing to give up the food that they live on to lose a couple pounds. For example, my friend used to be pretty overweight. He was about six feet tall, but he was probably at least fifty pounds overweight. The problem wasn't that he was "big boned" or that he had any health issues that caused him to be overweight. The fact was his parents had raised to to be overweight. Both of his parents are AT LEAST seventy five pounds overweight, and that's making a modest call just by their appearances. That family ate probably ten thousand calories a day together just by the unhealthy sort of shit that they stuffed their bodies with. Well finally, my friend realized that he was indeed overweight. Over the course of about half a year he became a normal size for his height. I asked him, "what did you do to make yourself lose weight?" First two things: He stopped drinking soda as a daily source of hydration, and he stopped over eating.

I have to ask, how do people get into such bad eating habits? Don't people realize that being fat is unhealthy? I understand that eating can become an addiction. But when overeating becomes a problem to your appearance and overall health, why is it so hard to understand why other people think it's gross? And really, my focus isn't on the fact that I think being overweight is just fucking unattractive, it's extremely unhealthy for your body as a whole.

If someone overweight reads this, I know you're probably thinking, "oh well this is some skinny Asian guy that's never had weight problems in his life." And you're right when you say this. I'm really too skinny for my own good, because I don't eat enough. That's due to lifestyle mainly, but really it's unhealthy. I'm finding myself bringing some sort of small snack to eat during class when I don't have time to go buy something. I'm also starting to get up earlier so I can eat breakfast, which I usually skip because I'm simply too lazy to prepare anything. It's hard to break the habit of NOT eating enough, but truly it's unhealthy because I'm finding myself sleepy for reasons not due to lack of sleep.

But if you are overweight, and you complain to people about it, or are offended by people saying that you're overweight, please examine what you eat in a day before you justify the reason why you're fat. Just stop fucking eating so much. It's hard to get into a healthy eating habit, but it's never too late to start thinking about way s to improve it. And don't be ashamed to admit that you might be a bit overweight, or even underweight.

Incompetence

2007-10-08T14:29:00.000-05:00

I have a beef with my College Algebra professor. I really regret taking that class in the first place... I took Calculus when I was in high - school, but apparently my ACT score wasn't enough to get me even into a pre - cal class. :( But anyways, I think the teachers knows less about basic algebra than the students in the professor's class. Every day we continue to prove her wrong about simple algebra equations... Sometimes I wonder if the professor even on the same page with us. I respect the professor for being really nice and whatnot, but basically we're teaching ourselves and it's getting on my nerves.

My problem is that I feel obligated to even show up to this class. There's only one homework assignment every week, posted on the internet site we use Monday and due Sunday night. What REALLY bugs me is that the MyMathlab website is more informative that what the professor actually teaches us. In fact, we do EVERYTHING through this site. Homework, Tests, Quizzes, etc. We don't use the book at all, in fact she told us to return it. The book is online with everything else (lol).

I suppose this is convenient that there's no paper involved, no heavy book to carry around. There are even video examples of a college professor DOING the problems for you on the homework. Hell, this class would be fine as a study hall. The only reason I go to class is just in case there's like some sort of pop quiz or pertinent information. But, there hasn't. The professor doesn't even take attendance. So why should I go I keep wondering?

The problem with the homework being completely online is that you run into technical issues with the website not having enough bandwidth to support all the users. Keep in mind we aren't the only class on campus that uses this site (or the only one in the Country that does O_o). So naturally, there's problems with that. Plus you have to type everything in EXACTLY for 100% credit on the answer. That can get REALLY REALLY REALLY annoying. For example:

Say the question is |4-x|>1 Find the values of the equation.

So the answer set is (-infinity, 3) U (5, infinity)
You could just write that very simply on a piece of paper, BUT
when you type this you have to put every space and bracket exactly or it counts the answer set as wrong. This is just a simple example, and there are several other stupid things that it counts off for that it really shouldn't.

I wish this class was an independent study. I've been making A's on all the homework and tests (with stupid mistakes due to formatting of the site for the answers...). The class isn't teaching me anything; I'm learning it myself with the tools I have at my disposal, and even more quickly than the professor chooses to move. So bleh :(

No, I would not like to "tap that ass." Asshole. Learn some fucking manners.

2007-10-04T13:35:00.000-05:00

Sorry for the language, but I'm really pissed off right now. I suppose this is where I really condone foul language, it's describes how foul of a mood I'm in.

I’m pretty fed up with the way younger adult men treat women (at least in this country). I can’t say that I haven’t ever done some of the things that I’m going to rant about in this post, but quite frankly it’s becoming quite disgusting how much men make themselves to be like animals. It’s damn fucking shameful in some cases. The reason why I’m so concerned with this issue and this point and time is due to my friend telling me how some stupid fucking asshole was debasing the image of my girlfriend. Just thinking about this makes me furious enough to go kill the guy who said that shit. I won’t go into detail about what he said, but I’m sure at least some of you can figure what he may have said. Basically though, what the fuck is wrong with us in America guys? Is every attractive woman that walks by just some “nice piece of ass?” Think about what you’re doing when you think about some random woman that way.

I was in no way opposed to commenting with “the guys” about what girl what hot, or attractive, or had a nice body, or whatever. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with doing that, since it’s just part of the way we think. Where guys cross the line is when they completely change the subject of, “Ohh she’s beautiful / hot” to “Yeah, she looks like a good fuck.” That’s just disgusting, really. Just thinking about some of the guys that I’ve been around that have said things similar to that, who the hell would want to have sex with them? He sure the hell isn’t going to be wanting some random guy saying that to his future girlfriend. It’s just not right is it? Is that all it’s about? “Getting as much ass as I can?”

Any guy that hears about some other random asshole saying that sort of thing about your girlfriend is most definitely going to be infuriated enough to beat the hell out of whoever made that comment. I’m just going to stop typing about this since I can’t even really keep a mindful composure about the whole issue. But next time you see an attractive girl in class and you can’t keep your pencil dick away from your brain processes, at least consider who you may piss off first by voicing those opinions. I can tell you that if I ever see the guy that was saying those specific things he’s sure as hell not going to walk away from me without an explanation. I don’t know about other guys, but I’m a jealous person when it gets down to shit like that. Time to cool off… More intelligent post to be added when I have time to put my thoughts together.

Reflection / Opinon of the Shooting

2007-10-02T13:50:00.000-05:00

The shooting this weekend on campus was really not too shocking for me. I don’t presume that I go to a perfectly safe university in a perfect world. So why should I expect or be shocked that bad events happen? I think the police took proper precaution in keeping students aware of the situation in a timely manner; really though, how can the police really stop persona shootings on or off campus? As long as people have access to guns, there will be shootings and the tragedies that follow them.

Admittedly, the day off was refreshing, or that was the overall feeling which enveloped me. I got some homework done that I didn’t believe that I’d have time for, and I had the whole day to relax. Finding campus completely empty on a Monday morning was an eerie experience. Everything was locked down and everyone that was on campus was on edge. There were no students, only the people that you see on the building construction and the janitors. This brings me to ask another question: Why should the help and construction workers be expected to work on campus after a shooting if the rest of the school isn’t expected to? Are the lives of students and faculty more valued than those that keep the campus looking “ideal?” This fact seems like a double standard. If the campus is on lock down, then everyone should be exempt from remaining on campus.

I only regret the national image that is being projected on Southern universities. Virginia Tech, MTSU, U of M , and now Ole Miss have had their fair share of publicized acts of violence. There’s almost a point where we have to wonder about our gun regulation. Thinking about it, gun control doesn’t exist. Yes, it’s true. Americans have the right to bear arms, which means any disgruntled person can go out and buy a gun off the streets, and the ammunition to fire it. Safety with guns is extremely overlooked, but when there’s literally millions of guns circulating in the population, how in the world is anyone supposed to regulate that? So there lies no blame here, or with any other number of things. Yes, there could have been more security in the parking lot; would the person have still succeeded in completing the murder on Taylor Bradford? Probably so, but that cannot be changed now.

The fact is, we simply cannot track the usage of every single gun, or pinpoint all the problems in our people that drive these acts of violence. I didn’t know Taylor Bradford, and I can’t assume that he didn’t do something to give his aggressor a reason to want to end his life. What was the purpose in shooting Taylor Bradford? The city of Memphis isn’t to blame and neither is this region to blame. This problem does not conflict with issues of race, or poverty. It’s just violence and it happens. I don’t know what people expect to happen from situations such as this. The only thing we can do is make an example of the people that are actually caught for their actions. Has there been any evidence to who shot Taylor Bradford? Not to my knowledge, but I don’t think there will be honestly.

I have no idea what is expected of Memphis citizens to stop violence such as this. How are we to stop every act of violence? I really don’t even think this is a problem with our city. Humans are violent by nature, so I don’t think it’s unnatural to see incidents such as Taylor Bradford popping up here and there. No matter what we do, there will always be violence. Sure, I’ll go support a cause to stop any number of things that will prevent similar events. Do I think it helps in the end? No I don’t. You know why? It’s a circular pattern of happenings. There will always be poverty in this world no matter what anyone does. There will always be disgruntled people that are perhaps even driven with enough anger to kill another human being. Is poverty connected to violence? Maybe in some ways but poverty cannot be blamed for violence completely. The issue of violence is a an evolving issue and the reasons for which it occur change every second. So how are we to fight and prevent something that literally never stops changing?

So here’s what I have to say about what happened over the weekend. I don’t really know exactly what happened, and I didn’t know the person who was shot. This isn’t the first shooting anywhere and it’s not problem with Memphis, or the Southern United States, or America. The problem is people. People kill each other and we just need to accept it and deal with it in the best ways possible. There could have been many things done to prevent the violence. Did we do it? No. I cannot honestly see a any plausible way to prevent violence from occurring and it’s arrogant to say that anything we do will prevent it. Just looking at history, violence may only be avoided for short periods of time, and then it arises again. Martin Luther King and Ghandi tried non violent protest (for different reason of course). It sparked periods of non violence, but in the end violence is still there. People in this world have neither the will or the discipline to restrain from committing violence. So don’t tell me that I’m doing something wrong. I choose to protect myself from violence when need be. Sure this is selfish, but I’m tired of being told that I have some sort of debt to other people. If we want a radical change of pace for violence in this country, we need a radical change on how people live. I don’t know how or in what way this can be accomplished, but that’s what I think. Quite frankly people trying to pinpoint this problem on anything is angering and sickening to me. THAT’S a "copout." It even sickens me to have to make up an excuse that people are violent. Basically what I’m saying is: I don’t see any reasonable way to make a change, and that leads me to not caring about events such as Taylor Bradford. Even if I was personally involved, what the would I possibly do to make a difference? Please, enlighten me. Why don't you do something about it before you can have the audacity to tell me that I'm not doing anything about the situation

Walking Essay

2007-10-01T22:59:00.001-05:00

I don't really feel comfortable outside, so I feel awkward when writing this. It's noise outside, and I feel inclined to go explore campus, yet I fear for my grade if I don't write something. Sitting here in the open outside, I feel like I don't belong. The blasting of the train crossing Southern almost beckons me to get up and give up. Everything outside seems so far away and out of reach. When I'm inside, I don't have to wear glasses and squint to view my surroundings. Looking at people walking by, I wonder what they're thinking about as I sit here and appear to have a purpose. Unfamiliar faces make me antsy, so I want to walk around.

What is my purpose sitting here reflecting on my surroundings? Shouldn't I be doing something constructive? I question my sanity and the purpose this serves in my education. The trees, unmoving and serene, seem to have more purpose than I do sitting here writing away on whatever comes to mind. Someone that walks by is smoking and I cough. The words "unhealthy" and "death" come to mind. I immediately dislike people that smoke. The idea of inhaling ash and tar doesn't seem pleasing to me.

Sitting our here makes me wonder what I'd be doing if I wasn't in this class completing this seemingly mundane assignment. Would I be in a lesser class? Or maybe I wouldn't be in college at all? That's a scary thought. Actually embarking o a job rather than making education the focus of my life. The sun is still bright even though it's overcast. Everything still appears to be dim under the opaque shining of the sun. I can't help but think gloomy thoughts because of the bright shadiness cast on the outside. It's difficult to concentrate on writing instead of just staring at people and buildings.

I feel bad for the people working on the new buildings. They aren't lesser than I am, but doing manual labor every day certainly doesn't seem appealing to me. Maybe this is why I dislike being outside. I have a fear of doing work like construction someday. The outside is uncertain, unhappy, foreboding. So maybe there is a purpose in being out here writing. God my handwriting is horrible.

Gum!

2007-09-27T20:35:00.000-05:00

I love gum, plain and simple. I think I've been chewing gum since I was about seven or eight years old and I blew my first bubble around that age too. This isn't related at all with what we're doing in class right now, but I feel inclined to talk about gum right now since I'm chewing on a piece of Trident and comfortably seated in my desk chair. Mmmm gum.....

However, I think it's a bad habit. It's just like anything else: saying the word "like" too much, smoking, talking with your mouth open, and any other various mannerisms that people look down upon. Chewing gum gives me something to do when I'm bored, and it definitely makes my breath smell good :). I pretty much have a package of gum in my pocket wherever I go. It's always a polite gesture to offer other people gum when pulling a piece out for myself, and I find that people enjoy that. It's like my thing I guess.

Thinking about it even more, I don't know what my fascination is with chewing gum. At first I just liked the sweet or sour taste in my mouth. I finally realized that chewing gum that contains a lot of sugar is bad for your teeth <_<. But back in the day I chewed that Big League Chewing Gum that comes in the rip open package. It's gum that looks like shredded cheese, and makes for wonderful blowing bubbles. This was probably due to the fact that EVERYONE chewed gum on baseball teams in Covington and either this particular brand or the cheap wax wrapped gum. (bout 45 minutes North of here where I grew up). My favorite flavor was the green apple or the classes Bubble Gum flavor.

I chew Trident, because it's supposedly good for your teeth, but I still enjoy chewing the candy like gum every now and then. I miss the younger days of not having to worry about cavities! Oh, and if anyone wants to start whitening their teeth, the Trident Teeth Whitening gum actually works if you chew a piece every time after you eat, or drink a soft drink. It'd probably even enhance the effect of those teeth whitening strips. But anyways, <3 gum even though it's annoying for other people to look at me chewing all the time.

Self Analysis

2007-09-27T16:20:00.001-05:00

I took an admittedly boring way of going through the essay. Going through the events in the essay, I chronologically pointed out the literary devices that the author used. The most important aspect of the essay was the color motif, so I made sure that I pointed this fact out and basically made it the thesis of my essay. I suppose the chronological description of the essay fit with another tool that the author used, which was contrasting colors. Lorde also contrasted two ideals of anger and silence / ignoring in the paper, so I decided that I should point that out at the end of the boring descriptions. I wanted to make it evident that the colors in the beginning were significant with the anger that the author expressed about the color of white in the end of the essay, while also pointing out the more insignificant details that the author throws into it. Some examples of that were the allusions to flowers with color and the double word patterns used when describing people. I suppose I approached this essay a little more formally than I have been writing in this course, so it sounds quite different from any of my other writings. But over all I wasn’t very happy with the end result, simply because I wasn’t too interested with the topic. I didn’t want to do Prime Directive again and the essay on going to Japan didn’t really catch my interest at all. Another thing was that I didn’t want to write a true evaluation of Prime Directive if the actual author might be perusing our blogs! That’s probably the reason why I procrastinated, because I didn’t have too much interest in these essays. I had started on Sunday, but I really couldn’t get myself to write anything until Monday evening. They were all pleasing to read, but none really caught my interest.

The question of “Did I change as a person / reader / writer?” is really cliché in my opinion. None of these essays were really ground breaking for me, or new information. They were obviously well written, something I won’t ever be able to accomplish. Reading the essays wasn’t particularly difficult either, so no major changes there. As a writer, I realized that I haven’t been asked to analyze text that deeply before. But again, I didn’t particularly find it difficult to break these essays apart. I just wasn’t captured by their themes. However, it was nice to have a set task at hand rather than left on my own to figure out what I would analyze in the first place.

Next time I’ll try and find a personal interest in one of the assigned pieces. Even if I don’t find anything in common, I’ll force myself. I find it difficult to write about something I don’t really care about. I can’t say I’ll start any earlier (hehe) although I know it’s a good decision. Also, I need to make the analysis longer, but I feel like I addressed all the points in the essay that were important. The essay I analyzed was relatively short, and I was amazed that I even got that much out of it. But I’d like to attempt to write a lot more about the text I’m analyzing in future assignments.

Silent, Colorful, Complicity

2007-09-25T00:17:00.000-05:00

Racial discrimination coupled with white dominance will always be a part of American history. That’s essentially what Audre Lorde discusses in her essay, “The Fourth of July,” an issue of racism and the ignoring of the wrongs caused by discrimination of whites upon blacks. Throughout the essay, the author uses an emphasis on color and also the non acknowledgement by her parents of various racial injustices. In a supposed free country on a holiday that celebrates freedom and independence, this black family is overshadowed by the blinding discrimination of an oppressive white culture. But, instead of protesting these blatantly unjust acts, Lorde shows that her family takes the wrong approach by allowing these things to happen, and basically ignore them. The actions that her older siblings and parents choose to ignore the blatant wrongs are revealed by a sense of childhood innocence portrayed by Lorde’s younger self in the essay. Reading through, I can see that Lorde intentionally uses the incidents of innocence to lead the reader into a sense of anger (which is the overall tone) when the narrator actually takes part in an absolutely racist moment. The theme is an overall abjectness to silent complicity towards gross wrongs, and the anger that eventually erupts from choosing to handle racism with privacy and silence.

Color is an extremely large issue in this essay, so naturally the author places significance when using color to describe events. Lorde wants the reader to realize that color is the overlying issue, so she uses vibrant colors and objects that make us think of natural color, such as flowers. There is also an evident pattern used to equate certain food items in the first part of the essay. Lorde pairs “brown bread and butter,” “green pepper and carrot sticks,” and at last “little violently yellow iced cakes with scalloped edges called ‘marigolds.’” (Lorde 567) Notice how she actually pictures a color with the first items in the sequence and then intentionally affixes a matching item of a vivid color; leaving the reader to imagine and focus on the color description. Bread and butter are an obvious combination, seeing how many people would relate to this. So when I read butter paired with “brown bread” my mind is encased with a vivid image of a vibrant yellow with brown. Also, when the author describes the yellow cakes, she is making a slight reference to marigolds, which are naturally bright yellow and orange. The author is using plants as a tool for portraying color, first with vegetables, and then making compliments about flowers. This neutral tone associated with color leads the reader to begin thinking about color, which evolves into a racial issue later on in the essay.

After the focus on color, the essay then moves to a focus on the reverse discrimination and the ignoring of existing racial issues. I can see the contempt produced against whites by the mother of the narrator, “…you could never tell whose hands had been playing all over that food, nor where those same hands had been just before.” (Lorde 568) The author points out in this passage that the disregard for racism causes the exact same amount of hate and ignorance from her parents. Here Lorde is making a statement on the way the generation of her parents and older siblings approached racism. There is another pattern here, where the author talks of her mother first, then her father in the next paragraph. Instead of teaching her daughter to be better than the racism implicated by the hotel owners, her father describes the white hotel as a “measly fleabag hotel.” (Lorde 568) I think that Lorde is using her parents’ hatred to highlight another issue other than racism, which is ignoring the injustice of racism rather than acknowledging it.

Again in the next paragraph the author explains how silence and ignoring issues leads to confusion, by actually stating the theme:

My mother and father believed that they could best protect their children from the realities of race in America and the fact of American Racism by never giving them name, much less discussing their nature. (Lorde 568)

The issue of silence becomes a problem in her relationship with her parents, and Lorde expresses that it was too private to even discuss amongst family. Also, the author’s child hood innocence arises here again when questioning her nearly white mother about racial inequality. I think Lorde is essentially explaining the confusion that she felt in such at still such a young age. It must have been perplexing to be told to mistrust white people, even though her mother was actually resembled those “mistrustful” people. The whole paragraph displays the confusion caused by reverse racism and silent ignorance towards these issues. By choosing to ignore the racial discrimination, Lorde’s mother is letting the discrimination cause deterioration in her personal relationship with her daughter.

The last part of the essay is a revelation to the fact that author’s parents were not able to shun their children from racial discrimination. The descriptions leading up to the ice cream shop are laden with foreboding images that emphasize brightness and blinding light. Freedom is contrasted with “light and heat” (Lorde 569) while also comparing the heat of Washington, D.C. to her home town New York. Lorde is making a statement about the effect of her parents not allowing the usage of glasses. Although her parents thought that they were doing their daughter well by refraining from luxuries that were seen as white, when they finally do open up to these luxuries (by going to the ice cream shop), this brings the author’s “dilated and vulnerable eyes exposed to the summer brightness.” (Lorde 569) Lorde is making a hidden comment on how life plays out. You truly can’t run away from existing problems for eternity, and abiding to this fact Lorde’s family is asked to leave a predominantly white ice cream shop. Here I can see a clear use of contrasting color to lead up the absolutely white moment of discrimination. This is a recurring pattern that Lorde uses in this essay, and she does it again by showing her family as this spectrum of skin colors. Her mother is “bright and father brown,” while the three girls are steps of bright of brown in between (Lorde 569). The alliteration of the “b” causes the reader to again take notice of the color. Basically, the implications of color throughout the essay entitle the author to make the overlying statement that the whiteness of Washington D.C. was simply overpowering and even sickening when she realized it later on as an adult.

Lorde uses many literary devices to get her point across, such as allusions to color and even using color as symbolism to portray different ideas in her essay, “The Fourth of July.” The entire essay plays on idea of color sparking mental images, so the experience that the author felt also engulfs the reader. Color and silence; these are the two themes that stand out in this essay. Overall I think that Lorde’s use of color and the idea of discriminate silence were masterfully depicted in this essay. No one should remain silent when injustice is present because that leads to unrequited anger.

2007-09-21T19:09:00.000-05:00

Masochism!!!

BlackBerry vs. Iphone, ROUND 1

Well, even though I prized myself as being somewhat of a video – gamer, I find that more and more I’m getting out of the loop. But, I do try and keep up with all the new technology gadgets and those “Eye candy” devices. I don’t necessarily go out and buy one unless I need it, but it’s always interesting to read about them and wonder what sort of person would actually use them. Anyways, both of these articles sort of deal with the common theme of: What do people want nowadays (for entertainment and work) and more specifically, why do they need these things? The first article pertains to mindlessly violent videogames, and the other talks about the battle between the two most popular smart phones (the Iphone and the Blackberry).

Videogame masochism! Interesting to think about right? This concept has been in the works ever since the first Atari game. The idea in its simplest form is to purposefully cause harm to the character you’re playing with. Even though it might not relate to game that are so graphic today, but that’s where video game masochism came from, believe it or not. A lot of parents and organizations blame video game developers, but really, it’s not their fault. To answer the question of why there’s games being produced for the sole intent of killing yourself virtually: THERE’S A MARKET FOR IT! Yes! People want to have fun killing themselves in a game! This is where the author makes use of *drum roll* technology! There’s a slide show with linked YouTube videos of people intentionally exploiting game mechanics to harm their characters. This obviously isn’t a traditional literary tool, but still a great way to capture the reader instead of writing a four page compelling argument about why people love video game masochism. This seems to be a progressive way of getting the written word notice, by implementing audio / video with written word. It’s becoming more and more common with the introduction of YouTube, and the relative ease it takes to capture, record, and post digital media. I particularly enjoyed it, with the nostalgic games, and elements of masochism pointed out in them. I never really noticed them before. Games have gotten increasingly graphic in the past decade due to the increase of the quality of graphics. This isn’t anything new, but something that a lot of people fail to realize is that generally gamers enjoy killing themselves on purpose in a game. The author points this out by showing the plethora of YouTube videos of games that weren’t intended to let gamers purposefully harm the in game characters. Game developers didn’t pioneer in game suicide, rather the gamer did. The result is games that are specifically designed for the intent of video game suicide. So the point of winning in the game is losing essentially.

BlackBerry and Iphone have a similar issue, but on a different level. The Iphone is a sleek sexy and pricey device, but does it really have everything to fit all life styles? Is it the end all be all device? The author doesn’t think so, because the Iphone is engineered towards a new generation of people. It’s a lot of stuff you don’t really need, it’s a luxury. Black Berry has been around since 1998, and was always built towards business use. Gradually it picked up with a more non – business use in the past five years, but it still accommodates business oriented people. Again, this article really doesn’t have too many literary masteries to point out, but yet the author makes use of our innovative technology: “Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry,” which means he typed that whole article with his Blackberry. Honestly I don’t think I could have sat there and typed that much with the on screen Iphone keyboard, but using the traditional QWERTY keyboard on a Blackberry, I see that as a reality.

So, rather than following the usual with this post, I thought that I’d try and take a technological approach. After all, our world is entranced with technology, we practically depend on it!

Daddy / Mommy, what's that? points

2007-09-21T16:24:00.000-05:00

Well, for lack of interest in the political world I decided to choose something a bit more off topic for my interests. The question is: Should children see their parents naked? This is an interesting question, and it brings all sorts of moral, societal, and various other issues onto the plate. Personally, I don't think it's weird up to a certain point for your child to his / her parent naked. But the point at which that isn't weird depends on your personal situation, as with any other problem similar to this.

Well, of course many people aren't going to usually read an article like this. Who's to tell you how to raise your child, right? But I suppose that the author had to draw people in somehow, so she starts off with a remark on Britney Spears.... This admittedly did not strike my attention, because I deplore celebrity news (especially Britney); I can see that the author used this as a tool to bring interest into such an uncomfortable topic by using an already degraded "parent figure" as an example. Britney is a perfect example, with all the rumors about how she doesn't take care of her kids properly. The examples the author gives, "feeds her children junk food, whitens their teeth, and, according to a former bodyguard, regularly parades around them in the nude..." are simply put to make parents (probably the general audience of this article) feel better about themselves. It's an ingenious way to draw the parent reader in: "Oh I could never be as bad as Britney." Starting the article off with an immediate statement about your kid seeing you naked would scare people off. So, this is just an interesting way to commence an uncomfortable issue.

The rest of the article obviously deals with the title...Should my kid see my penis, vagina, butt, or chest? I bet when you read that you felt pretty uncomfortable (hehe)? Well, that was the point. But, notice that in the author's article she never actually says the word "naked" other than the title. She uses in order of appearance: nude, birthday suit, and au natural. Pretty neutral unoffensive terms that people use to refrain from saying the word, "naked." It's only a small part of the entire article, but again she's using language to make parents feel more comfortable with the idea of nakedness. Apparently, children naturally pick up their culture's rules on privacy in between the years of four to eight. Makes sense to me, since some of the earliest memories I have from childhood were remembering being given a bath (that last time probably being around four or five). But, when I was much younger and thinking back on those moments I certainly felt awkward. It was embarrassing for my mother to see me naked, and for me to walk in on her (: \).

It's almost strange to think how our society has made us abject to the word "naked." We feel uncomfortable without clothes on, or the proper covering during certain events. History has shown the growing trends of less clothes, or more clothes. In ancient Rome, people were comfortable with wearing revealing clothing. Sex wasn't a big deal. As we moved through the 1400's to the 1700's clothing was pretty formal, and covered EVERYTHING. Sex happened, but very privately most of the time. Today we have double standards for sexuality and clothing. I can't tell you what the norm is for America. Some people wear extremely conservative clothing while others don't, and of course, this changes at the beach where you can find people wearing hardly anything at all.

So this poses the question from my second reading (which is a forum post). Should we make sex not such a big deal in American society? For instance, other countries have much more lenient censorship on television. Sex and intimacy aren't shown as a big deal, and thus aren't grossed out by sex or aren't misinformed. Maybe if kids were desensitized to sex we wouldn't have as many teenage pregnancies, or kids being cornered into being taken sexually advantage of. This is all speculation, but possibly we need to move for change in America. Maybe, we're the ones taking the wrong approach to informing younger children about sex.

Honestly, I think everyone is way too formal about sex in America. Sex happens, to simply put it. Children will learn about it or experience it some time or another, and possibly in a negative way. Would you rather have your child when he / she matures to be informed or misinformed?
I'm ready for change, because it seems that our current methods of teaching kids about sexuality aren't working.

"People are People" Sadly Enough, A remark on the article "Prime Directive"

2007-09-18T19:18:00.000-05:00

Obviously, the article "Prime Directive" delves into the issues of Abu Ghraib. That's the main issue the author, David Griffith, focuses on. But when reading into the article even further, I find that he's dealing with a very real and gross reality that relates to all people. At first, Griffith portrays that he himself isn't capable of making such gross mistakes. He thinks he's better than that. But, slowly as the depiction of the night goes on, he realizes that he is no different from the rest of the world as far as human nature goes.

Halloween, a time of the year where everyone is masked, and most people don't understand the meaning of costumes (or much less what the hell kinda point you're making with the costume). Griffith opens up with some Star Trek allusions, him being Captain Kirk. The costume is supposedly portrays a clear image of the Captain, something his generation wouldn't miss. However, repeatedly throughout the article, people mistake his identity, which is foreshadowing the enlightenment Griffith has after taking the photo.

The first paragraph essentially is a foreshadowing of the rest of the article. He even makes the remark: "...the streetlight above me hums loudly and then goes dark. It is the Saturday night before Halloween; the world seems rife with omens." Again, in the second paragraph he makes the comment, "...I could have used the blessing," when depicting the fact that he is about to get wasted on the "eve of a holy day." Griffith is making a point here, that he could have done a number of things to make himself feel better about the upcoming event. Reading through the description of his department, he uses words such as: empty, lonely, humble, etc.. This is all setup for the guilt and several other feelings he probably felt after the realization of the gross mistake he made in taking the picture with the Graner impersonator.

Interestingly enough, he finds room to incorporate the whole idea of "The Prime Directive," and the meaning it has on the situation in Abu Ghraib. Think about it more: Griffith is saying that "no (U.S. Military) Star Fleet personnel may interfere with the healthy development of alien life and culture." I find it amusing that he was able to include Star Trek as the overlying theme of the article. It's an issue of morals in it's most base form. I believe that the author was also making a comment on what people pay attention to. His friends in the warm up party only mentioned big things, things that were widely publicized and that stick in people's memories. These issues were easy to discuss without making anyone feel anxious or adverse. I think this is true in a sense. We don't want to remember inhumane things such as Abu Ghraib, because after you sit down and ponder on things such as this, you begin to feel bad about yourself. But, should we ignore these things after a while? I believe that's the reason why events such as Abu Ghraib are repeated. Grossly uninformed and impressionable people are subject to repeat atrocities such as this again and again. Why do we do this again and again? Why don't we learn from our mistakes? Well, it's simply put by the author: "...Abu Ghraib was not a case of a 'few bad apples,' but a case of what we've all become, what we're all capable of. This is absolutely true. We're better than the oppressors from these horrible war stories, we're higher than that. But essentially we're not.

Here I must point out a couple things I couldn't fluidly place into my post. Griffith, after taking the photograph with the Graner impersonator makes it a point to show one more example of a random party goer saying, "You're one of those guys that dies (in Star Trek), right?" rather than saying, "You're Captain James T. Kirk of the U.S.S. Enterprise, right?" This is a blatant example of what the author is trying to point out. Although Griffith realizes that he himself is capable of becoming like Graner, he repeats the mistake of his costume to make a statement to the reader. Although the last paragraph depicts a sort of childish Halloween prank, it relates to the statement with the mistake of the costume. We're all capable of putting on costumes and becoming something that we aren't, just as Griffith couldn't readily make people realize that he was Captain Kirk. As Griffith became the inanimate Halloween Grim Reaper, he freaks out and can't remain still; he can't act the part. Two kids walk up and realize that this might be a person, but still their first reaction is to physically kick whatever may be under the visage of the mask. Are we really so basic in nature to discern whether something is human or not from the reaction of pain? That's the question that bothers me. When we cover up the real expressions of pain or suffering, does that make it easier to commit such heinous acts or we just built to do such things? Since I've seen this throughout history over and over again, I guess it's true.

We relish in suffering. I think we truly do, whatever it may be. While writing this post, I was watching a moth fly around me, being simply annoying. So, since I have one of those nifty bug shocker racquets, I zapped it. It delivered a loud pop and "bam" the bug was no more. Now, even though I didn't actually buy this bane to bugs (it was a free gift from the Delta Faire), I was actually pleased and generally happy about killing that bug. The fact that I had put an end to its annoying existence was overjoying. Now, I know it's just a bug, but I can strangely relate this to what I just read (I know it's horrible, but I feel inclined to juxtapose the two things). Everyone is capable of inflicting pain on other humans. We're built to kill things that are lesser than us, and we do take pleasure in the fact that we're the most developed organisms on this earth. Are we really to decide who or what deserves non - existence or pain? When we debase a people or thing foreign from ourselves to such a simple form of insignificance, I believe anyone is capable of torturing that being. This may seem stupid or a baseless observation with no correlation, but maybe we should really place ourselves in the position of the oppressed and truly consider the pain and suffering they've endured. It's not something to get angry or passionate about for just a day, or a week, or a month, or a year. This is an idea that has plagued us for as long as we can date history. And as long as we continue to disregard it, the longer it will continue to happen.

Black History Month - Separate but Equal...?

2007-09-12T21:31:00.000-05:00

Alright, so anyone who's lived in the Memphis area or in Tennessee will know a bit of background on "Black History Month." For those that aren't familiar, here's a pretty informative Wikipedia article about the whole month long event. I give credit to whoever wrote that article for several of the ideas explored in this post. First off, I'm not intending this post to be a "hater" or "racist" remark about Blacks or African Americans (or whatever). I just want to make a comment about Black History month as a whole and how the true intentions of the event have been abandoned.

The true intention of Black History month (in it's beginning stages) was to promote the social achievements of African Americans. This was celebrated in the month of February, but really it expands from January too because of Martin Luther King Jr.'s birthday. There's no problem with the original intentions of Black History month. It's not even "Black" history. It's American history. Sure, that generation of blacks were the people that were affected by social indifference and the ones who spear headed the civil rights movement, but now we're dedicating a whole month to the African race in public school systems. And, we're differentiating "Black" history and "American" history. I thought we were getting away from separating Blacks and other minorities from the rest of society (that's something called: segregation).

I've basically been opposed to Black History month in it's current form my whole life. Most school systems implement this month in to their curriculum for history. But, the focus isn't on the civil rights achievements in particular; the focus is usually on the African American race as a whole. Personally, I've had to write at least ten papers regarding some Black individual, whether or not they had anything to do with Civil Rights. So are we dedicating one month to African Americans just for the hell of it, or are we trying to inform people about the Civil Rights Movement? I don't have a problem with learning a bit about civil rights ever year, that's no big deal. It is in fact a big part of our history in government reform. But if the whole month is just going to focus on Black culture, then why don't we also have months dedicated to other ethnic groups? Blacks weren't the only race that was persecuted in America. Ever heard of the ethnic group "Native Americans?" Well, they used to live in the Americas in the millions. Guess they're sort of gone now because white Europeans killed them off. You don't see a Native American history month. You know why? Because there's such a scarcity of them that they really can't do anything about it. So I don't want to hear about slavery over and over again. It's over, done with. Sure, Blacks were grossly mistreated for hundreds of years. At least your race and culture wasn't almost completely wiped out though.

So all the politicians and people in powerful positions that continue Black History month in its current form are still promoting segregation essentially. They're still separating Black society from every other ethnicity that exists in America. I'm just proposing that they either revert Black History month either to its original roots (which was to highlight Civil Rights), or completely do away with it. I personally am part of several Ethnic backgrounds: Chinese on my Dad's side, and on my Mother's side: Scottish, Irish, Polish, and Russian. Where's the month dedicated to all of those ethnicities, as well as all the other ethnicities in the world? They're all part of America. And since Black History month is simply promoting famous Black people in American history, why shouldn't other months include people from other ethnicities that contributed to American history?

I'm not trying to be racist, nor am I racist. I really don't give a damn about all the racial tension in South that still exists. But, if we eventually want that racial tension to disappear, then we need to take steps to obliterate favored treatment of other races. Sorry if I've offended anyone, and if I've made any gross mistakes then please feel free to comment about it. I just want equality in our society, and things like Black History month aren't taking the right approach in my opinion.

Thanks for reading =)

Our Theme: Changing Scenes

2007-09-12T15:41:00.000-05:00

Everybody has their reservations about starting college, whether is leaving a familiar home or just having trouble adjusting to a strange new environment. These things are common with almost any starting freshman. I think that most people believe they are truly alone once college begins, but they really don’t know how “together” they are with hundreds of other students that are experiencing identical feelings. In a sense, we’re all together on the fact that we were scared to start college, and have our specific reasons to be doubtful of ourselves and our whole college experience. There are many issues we can discuss about the whole predicament of “starting college,” and most of these issues can apply to any random person.

Reading over our entries, I know that we all share at least one thing in common amongst our group: our families. We’re essentially leaving family behind or growing apart from our families. In high school, our families are there for us to keep an eye on us. Everyone hates having the restrictions of their parents in high school, but now some of us are realizing that they appreciated that sense of security that we get from out parents just being close. One thing to also consider is that our families may include close friends, and even teachers (family is a broad term). These people essentially grew up with us, or again, watched over us during high school. When starting college, we lose these people and have to develop a whole new network of friends and other people to build up a “family” again. The first weeks of college were almost a test to see if students can deal with the emotional pressure of being alone, or less attached to the social infrastructure that lasted them throughout the past four years. It’s amazing to think about how so many people are going through the same things as ourselves. The similarities are there in everyone, and we shouldn’t ignore them.

Another thing that we must consider is the great number of people that are coming out of state and even from surrounding areas to whatever college it may be. These people are experiencing a completely new and strange environment that they’ve never even fathomed before. When considering the effect a new living condition has on a person, you must consider several things. With students out of state, there’s the whole shock of the culture. The University of Memphis is located in the “Mid - South” region of the Southern United States, and thus prides itself as being “Southern.” This brings up stereotypes and assumptions that any person foreign to the region would immediately expect. And also, the people going to the University of Memphis might receive the out of state person with some scrutiny based on projected images on that person’s culture (it’s “culture shock” basically). College campuses are a homogenization of culture from all around the world. It’s a big change for everyone, though admittedly harder for some people more than others.

Our country is made up of many different regions, all varying in their sense of culture, speech, and morals. A silent battle is prominent among two of the larger ones that I’ve lived in: the North and the South. When I moved here two years ago, I was appalled at the culture shock. Southerners were supposed to nice and hospitable. Instead, I was introduced the "Murder Mall," also known as Hickory Ridge Mall. I also always keep a fully-loaded can of mace by my side. But it isn't just the crime in the city; it's the inbreds that live in the suburbs. They talk funny and slow. They ride around in big trucks with Rebel flags and drink cheap beer.

When we first started looking at houses down here, I noticed that nearly every one had a sign within their house that said "This house will serve the Lord," or something like that. It became apparent that we were in the "Bible Belt." I was born and raised Catholic. There are no Catholic churches down here. But it's okay, because I don't really like church anyways. And when I tell people that they usually look at me like I'm going to hell because church is good (at least when you're blinded by your faith it is). The number of churches in Collierville is probably equivalent to the number of bars up there.

I can appreciate a nice, little accent, but the Southern draws have to go. Maybe it is just because everything is in slow motion down here. The other day I was at the Honors Welcome Dinner and my suitemate happened to be at the same table. We were making small talk with the rest of the people at our table when someone asked where I was from and I told them Pittsburgh. My suitemate looked at me and simply said, "Ohhhh, you're from up north so it's an accent. I thought it was just a speech impediment." I didn't know whether it laugh and shrug it off or to give her the death stare.

It just doesn't feel like anyone loves there city. I know it's hard with all of the crime reports, but Memphis really does have a lot to offer. Collierville is Memphis. Cordova is Memphis. Hell, even Munford is Memphis. In Pittsburgh, people took pride in their city. We loved the Steelers and we knew when and where every Wing Night in the city was. It was a melting pot of ethnicities: Italians, Pols, Ukrainians, Irish, and Germans. It was more than black or white. It was the Steel City and it was tough. People didn't come from money; people worked in the steel mills for a living. College probably would have led me to take out tons of student loans (thank God for the lottery scholarship and the University of Memphis one I got). But at least I knew where I had came from and I wasn't trying to leave. I get that vibe that in Memphis people are either leaving or wanting to leave.

Part of the culture shock is learning how to meet new people. It happens anytime one switches places, schools, or towns. Sure, regions have their own sense of identity, but on a smaller scale, that sense of identities can exist within towns, too. Moving is never easy, even if in the end it works out. The transitional period can last a lifetime and one never forgets the memories and friends left behind.

"College is a new step, you're going to love it!" That's what everyone i talked to about college told me. I never really was worried about where to go to college. I applied to 3, visited two, and ended up getting the best feeling at this school. Moving to Memphis ended up being, and continues to be, such an adustment for me. In Franklin, where I'm from, I could go anywhere (the mall, the grocery store, the movies) and see smiling faces of people I knew.
Choosing to come to Memphis not knowing a single person is a decision I'm not quite sure i completely understood I was making. Yes, I had said the words and thought about it somewhat, but it really takes living somewhere to get a feel for the city. When I came to visit, I saw the best Memphis had to offer. I stayed at the Peabody, went to the Grizzlies-Lakers game, ate at the Rendevous, the whole kit and kaboodle. I feel like that impression of Memphis led me to make my decision about the school. Shortly after moving here for school, I realized those things are not Memphis. Yes they are a part of Memphis, but a very minute part. I simply hadn't prepared myself for what was in store.

I am somewhat spoiled coming from the town I lived in. Franklin is beautiful, there is no crime, I always left my car unlocked everywhere I went, and people were beyond friendly. I was shocked when the first night after I moved here I met these 2 guys who were carrying guns and acted like it was an everyday thing to do. I don't think after over 10 years of living there I knew of one person from Franklin who carried a gun and on the first night in Memphis I met not one, but two. They acted like you must carry some sort of protection because anything could happen. This concept was too much for my sheltered mind to comprehend.
Needless to say, this was not a good first impression of Memphis. The city seems to be full of culture and city life, but I don't know how to find any of that yet. And even if I did know how to, I wouldn't really know how to get involved. This is all a result of not knowing anyone or knowing anything about the city. The farthest I have ever moved is from Nashville to Franklin, which is all of about 25 miles. Now I am three and a half hours away from home. Sometimes I ask myself, what was I thinking?? Realizing that this is what is best for me is also a concept that is very hard for me to grasp at this present moment. I keep having to tell myself that millions of college students have done this before and survived.

Survival is the key word though. Learning how to make it on your own. That seems to be the biggest problem I keep running into. I grew up the last of five, so I was always used to having my brothers and sister there to help me. At school, everyone knew I was a Fehrenbach, and most of the kids either knew me, or the older kids had known my sister, which in turn led to knowing me. I had a person to go to for everything. I could call my sister if I wanted to check out, call my brother when I needed a ride, my teacher to come open the back door when I got to school late because “my alarm didn’t go off”. I had my life set, if I ever slipped up there was always someone there to help me hide my mess and move on from it.
Here, there’s nothing like that. I’m starting over, completely starting over. No friends, no teachers, no family who is here to help me. Sure I can pick up my cell phone, but a cell phone can’t hug me when I’m upset. A cell phone can’t come get me when I’m feeling too sick to get out of bed. A cell phone can’t even show me those people; all I have is their voice to listen too and a picture frame to stare at. I compare moving to college like learning how to swim. People who go to school not that far from their homes and their families are the kids who get swimming lessons with arm floaties on. They have people there to guide them through their first couple of rough waves. Myself, I’m the kid who is thrown into the pool with nothing on. It’s sink or swim. And, although I can cry for help, it takes much longer for someone to come help me, because I don’t know who to call down here. I can have people yell tips of what to do, but no one can jump in and show me what to do. And although most the time I feel like I’m sinking further and further, I’m fighting harder and harder to keep myself afloat. I’m trying so hard to catch up to those kids with the arm floaties. I’m trying so hard to make life what it was like back home, or at least somewhat like it was.

It’s hard to picture that everyone is going through the exact same thing. You don’t realize that a huge part of life is changing scenes and leaving old ones behind, and when it does happen you feel alone. Part of the confusion is everyone reacting differently to new environment. But we’re slowly realizing that just like we’ve adjusted before we’ll adjust again.

Enough Pressure to Explode

2007-09-09T14:22:00.000-05:00

Everyone experiences a "pressured moment" in their life. Usually this happens before major events (like a test or something). Obviously, college should naturally be one of those big events in a person's life. This past summer was really relaxed, but I always had a strange feeling due to college inching closer and closer. "What was college truly going to be like?" I asked myself. That question boggled my mind for literally days! I lost sleep over pondering about college. What classes would I take? Would I have an overload of work? Was college going to be a better experience than high- school? Would I do well in college? That last question was the most bothersome. How is my college experience going to be as far as my GPA is concerned? This question (for me) is literally enough to make myself go crazy. But, there are several factors added into the question itself that ate away at me until the first week before classes.

My first concern was classes. Orientation was extremely boring, and not really helpful at all. The whole orientation experience seemed more like an advertisement to the University rather than a beginning to college life. Reading people's expressions and mannerisms, I could tell that everyone was either confused, uncomfortable, or a combination of both. Speech after speech from random professors and orientation advisors continued to worry me. I was actually looking forward to meeting my academic advisor, until I met him. My first impression was that the guy really didn't care about meeting me. I figured before I met him that he'd at least take interest in my prospects, but he really just wanted me in and out of his office. "Don't call me, and don't come meet me in my office. E-mail me. Don't call me," he said. That was a huge blow to my confidence about the upcoming weeks, since I was even more lost about classes, and how to register for classes. I took the view that most of the professors and other people didn't care about helping out students. So, I took every other person that came to talk with us with a sense of sarcasm. At the end of orientation, I was so disappointed that I halfheartedly chose classes without even signing up for honors. I just wanted to leave. After orientation, I probably changed my schedule about fives times before I finally had the schedule which I'm currently using. Thankfully I e-mailed the right people about getting into the honors program, and about what I should expect. But many times I felt that I would just give up on the issue and take the "recommended classes" that my advisor gave me. If I had given into the pressure, I might not have even taken this class!

At this point, my housing was setup either. This issue brings another thing to the table: money. I didn't know where I was going to live, or how I was going to pay for it. The first part of the summer, I was prepared with my room mate who I went to college with, but he ended up going to Ole Miss. On top of that, I figured out how much I was given to live with for college. My mother and step - dad weren't helping me at all, since I wasn't living with them at that point. This was an extremely difficult situation (because I'm still not eighteen yet). I had to get a lot of special permissions to get things setup to live and go to the University without the permission of my parents. Also, I had completed the FAFSA while living with them, so I was listed as a dependent on their salary. As college drew nearer, I was informed that I wasn't eligible for several of the scholarships and grants that independent students were offered, simply due to the fact that my parents had decided not to help me or change my financial information to list me as an independent. Having tons of debt seemed imminent for undergraduate school. I hate the fact that money always ends up being an issue (but that's life I guess). Sleep didn't come easily, as I was fearing that I wouldn't have enough loans to even scrape by. Life was giving me a wake up call, and I almost wasn't strong enough to hear the alarm by myself.

Now, even though my whole situation was looking really bad at this point (in spite of some good things that I haven't mentioned), certain events brought my confidence back. My real father had recently just been released from a deportation center, and was coming home. I hadn't seen him for literally two years, and was not anticipating that he might make it back to Memphis. Talking to him about college made me feel a lot better about my beginning experiences, since he was just as lost as I was when he started at UCLA. I gained the confidence I needed to gain control of my situation, and stop letting people on campus push me around about how I wanted to shape my college experience. We even decided to start looking for a place together (which we found), and that instantly solved a majority of my problems. Pressure was starting to lift slowly off my shoulders, and I was looking forward to starting college.

Overall, I'm pretty happy about the decisions I made leading up to this point. Sure, I should have been quite a bit more informed and mature about the way I went getting things setup, but now I've really benefited from the entire experience. Now I really welcome the antsy feelings which engulf my persona when I start something new. It's all part of life, and I'm really truthfully enjoying it.

Apple turning sour :O?

2007-09-06T22:32:00.002-05:00

Well, as many of you may have noticed, Apple announced their new line of iPods this past Monday. The link can be seen here. I always appreciate Apple's Ipod redesigns, because they always seem to look better than before, and almost always add something new and flashy. Personally, I've owned an iPod since the introduction of the first generation scroll wheel (rest in peace oh scratched brick of music!). Basically I've been an avid fan of iPod the whole way, even though they should add a couple features to it here and there to help it compete with the rest of the Mp3 players out there. So don't get me wrong when I point out the negative things about the redesigns. I just want to make people realize that Apple loves money hehe.... There's nothing wrong with a company that wants to make their stocks sell. But, they do have to realize when they're truly screwing over their customers.

However, the new line of iPods created a price drop or upgrade for the "Nano" and "Classic" iPods. The redesigned "Nano" got a fifty dollar price drop ; The "Classic" iPpod did not get a price drop, but the two models offered at the same price as last generation are now 80 and 160 gigabytes respectively. That's simply amazing. 80 and 160 gigabyte players that fit in the palm of your hand?!?!? But, if you just purchased a student deal Mac in the past couple weeks, you could have gotten one of these new redesigns for 150$ off rather than get one of the older generation ones; if you had waited. Too bad they didn't reveal that earlier eh?

More significantly, Apple also released a new iPod, the "iPod Touch." I'm quite literally ashamed at the new model. Basically, it's a very slightly smaller iPhone without wireless communication built in (it does have Wifi capabilities for browsing the web). There are two models, the 8 and 16 gigabyte versions for 299 $ and 399$. Why the hell am I paying 50 dollars more for the Ipod touch when I can get the classic for the same price for TEN times the memory capacity!?!?!!? I know that the new completely button - less user interface is innovative and all, plus the web browsing on campus would be cool, but why would I pay more for less memory and stuff I don't need? Oh yeah, and you can buy songs directly from iTunes while connected on the internet via your overpriced "ghetto" iPhone. Like I wouldn't have already wasted enough of my money on the darn device already.

Now, to the point of my post being an advertisement for Apple. The biggest shocker for all us iPod fans was the huge price drop of the iPhone. The first wave of iPhones were sold for 599$ for the 8 g version. The new price for the iPhone is now 399 $. That's a 200$ price drop ladies and gentlemen. Yes, if you bought an iPhone (especially the people who bought the 4g version), you got screwed. The support forums for Apple.com were so flooded with complaints about the price drop they actually had to shut access to the forums down for the past several days. Obviously, Apple knows somethings up when their customers are angry enough to spam their support forums.

So, responding to this wave of disapproval, Steve Jobs (the CEO of Apple) decided to write this letter in apology. The 100$ rebate appears to be a nice "apology gift" to those who were corn - holed by the price drop. But, put yourself in the position of a person who bought an iPhone. You're getting a rebate that can only be used to buy something at an Apple store... There's only a handful things you can get through Appple (besides music) for 100 $. So basically "yay" for making loyal Apple fans shell out a needless 100 $.

Apple overall is a pretty decent company in my view. They've lead innovative design with decent hardware and software to accompany their products for the past thirty years, which I can respect. Usually, their pricing is pretty fair considering the labor costs and software they prepackage into their computers. But lately, Apple has really disappointed customers with their decisions personal media products. Hopefully, Steve Jobs will realize that he needs to possibly reanalyze his decision on the people that were angered by the price drop of the iPhone.

Nonetheless, I still love my iPod as my Mp3 player. I have a 8 gigabyte second generation black Nano which I just dropped for the first time today >_<, so it's been a sad day for my iPod as well as my opinion for the Apple corporation. What kind of Asian would I be if I didn't have an iPod, right? XD

Thanks for reading!

Free Write List

2007-09-06T22:18:00.000-05:00

Well, here's my scrawled "free write list."

Common Themes: Changing Settings (Particularly to College life)

- More open minded
- Scared of failing
- The willingness to go on
- Living by myself / scared to live alone
- Pressure to succeed ***
- New People, meeting new people
- Making good first impressions
- Losing friends ( or even family )
- Dealing with people I may dislike
- Accepting new ways of thought
- Wondering whether I'll have enough money
- Future plans
- Worrying about making overall good decisions
- Comparing myself with other people
- Governing / allocating my free time

Interesting way of leading us into starting an assignment! It was very pressured and sort of quickly done, but I'm excited about my topic my group chose for me.

Oh also, as a reference for my group:

Group Members - Jennifer Vallor ; Erin Fehrenbach ; Julian Poon

*** Indicates the topic that I will write about :)

Sleep Sucks...

2007-09-06T00:13:00.000-05:00

Well, I can't go to sleep simply due to the fact that I have too much going through my mind. It's now 12:15 A.M. and I have far too much information stuck in my short term memory to allow me to sleep! However, when I do an extreme amount of school work before I go to bed, I find that I enjoy a more relaxed and deep sleep which results in a refreshed feeling the next day. Hopefully that will be the case for my two classes tomorrow... <_<

I suppose that leads me to discuss dreams, and the oddities that emerge out of the depths of our wild imaginations. Have you ever woken up and faintly remembered some sort of in depth - dream? It bothers me quite frankly. I wish that I could relay some of my deepest thoughts into conscious thought, so that I could write about them like I'm doing now about my troubles with "falling asleep." What leads our minds to dream of horror, happiness, or place us in locations that truly only exist in our imaginations? And why does some weird fantasy about living in Europe seem to become a common appearance as a background for my dreams? ( O_O )

On the topic of our imaginations and our subconscious thought, I'm suddenly fitting together the idea of words or ideas sparking specific reactions within our psyche. Why does one word, associated with an overlying theme, spark a biased thought immediately on that subject within my mind? For instance, when I read my article about "The Bible Business," as soon as I saw the word "profit," I was sparked to right an opinionated blog - post in response to the article. Why? Because Christianity generally sparks a negative mental image when I first ponder about that broad term. And so, when I see "profit" and "Christianity" come together I become especially angered and prompted to say / write / think something negative about the whole idea.

And, now that I think about this even more in depth, I realize that I'm really pointing out some things about my article on purpose due to whatever subconscious thoughts of Christianity I had previously. How can one word cause me to think of so much anger towards a subject? I really don't know, nor am I able to seek out my subconscious feelings on this issue. Words really are a powerful entity when I think about it, and there really are no "bad" words(hehe).... There are, however, words that stir a whole stew of pre - biased thought in a general amount of people. I'm sure that any other non - religious person feels the same way about seeing the words "Christianity" (a supposed religion of good) and "profit" fitted together equates to a sour subject (Christ + $ = bad essentially lol).

Yay, well good night internet, and everyone who might be reading this in the next twelve hours. That's what I've been thinking about, and hopefully I can get some rest now T_T....

Bibles! Bibles! And now, MORE Bibles!

2007-09-04T23:10:00.000-05:00

The Good Book Business

I found this piece to be interesting because it caught my eye on a subject that I personally love debating: The Bible. It's an extremely controversial book in today's society, and the basis for a major world religion. However, I will say first off that I am not a Christian, nor do I like to associate myself with any sort of religion. I don't believe religion has any relevance in my life, due to many things that I've encountered so far. Basically I've had bad experiences with Christianity in this area, and it doesn't reflect well on my overlying opinion. Just thought I point that out before anyone reads this post.

This piece in the "Annals of Publishing" section of the New Yorker, 2006 December edition explores the reason "Why Publishers love the Bible." Well, the biggest reason publishers "love" the bible is due to the fact that it's the best selling book in America. "Americans purchased some twenty-five million Bibles--twice as many as the most recent Harry Potter book." That's a pretty astounding statement right there. More people bought a bible last year than the Harry Potter book. You don't see huge congregations of people standing around waiting to buy their favorite sequel to the Bible... Or do you?

The author, Daniel Radosh, almost takes an amazed sort of voice towards this subject. Who would of guess that the Bible printing business was so profitable? Yes, that's right, a business. Printing the bible is a HUGE business. "The amount spent annually on Bibles has been put at more than half a billion dollars." There's quite a bit of money at stake for these companies. With making of a product (in this case the Bible), there also comes a lot of marketing and advertising to the audience that continues to buy the product. There's practically hundreds of fashionable Bibles being printed for every facet of society. If you can label a group of people, there's probably a Bible in the works for that group. Skater's Bible, Surfer's Bible, Bibles targeted towards housewives, study Bibles for families... The list never ends.

This piece kept my full attention the whole time. Small facts and estimates simply amazed me at the beginning of the article, and then the author moved into the excuses and reasons for marketing the Bible. Because marketing a sacred text should be wrong, right? Or "If it helps reach people with the Word..." says Peter Theusen, a religious historian, it's allowed? Personally, I think it's wrong. These companies are bastardizing a once sacred text to make more money. Essentially, they're making Bibles with socially acceptable covers; even to the point that they're making bibles look like teen magazines.

It's here, in the middle of the article that the author shows a sort of sarcastic tone about the multiple ways publishers abuse to sell bibles. He questions another theologian, Kenneth Barker about re-printings of already existing bibles. "We like to think that the motivation is all holy and pure, but finances do enter the picture, and publishers and Bible societies like to have their slice of the pie." I can make the distinction here that the author may also share my overall disagreement with the true intentions of the bible publishers. It's essentially hypocritical to Christianity. Are the publishers really trying to spread the word? Or are they seeing how many 12-16 year old girls they can target to buy their new trendy "Revolve" teen bible that "features cover lines like 'Guys Speak Their Minds' and 'Do U Rush to Crush?'"

That's all I really wanted to point out with the article, bearing the first three terms that came to my mind (tone, voice, organization / structure). But I couldn't incorporate "diction" into my rant about the article. Overall, the author was pretty bland with his diction, probably due to that he was simply describing the situation of publishing the bible. The adjectives were already there for him, he didn't have to mindfully insert any diction in this article.

Thanks for reading =)!